What is the recipe to be happy? What is the method?
Why are most people looking for that “achievement”?
It appears that no matter what we DO, no matter what we achieve, there is something “lacking” and precisely that is what we believe could give us happiness.
Are you wealthy? Are you healthy? Are you vital? Are you beautiful? Are you famous? Are you intelligent? Are you confident? Are you wise? Are you attractive? Are you in a fulfilling relationship?
What is lacking?
That is what “I need” to be happy. That is what I desire.
Isn’t happiness the absence of desires? That is an inaccurate definition!
I wish you to be happy! That is my desire. Would that desire make me unhappy?
We try to define happiness, research it and hold it with our own bare hands although it is a shadow of intellectual illusions.
We dream about a constant state that we haven’t experienced. Life changes. Why can’t we? We believe that to prolong a moment of joy, is happiness. Belief upon belief we live in the anxiety of “achieving” a dream, just to keep on dreaming. When are we going to wake up?
A donkey is looking to grab a flying carrot. It looks so flawless, so tasty! That is our pursuit of happiness.
Awareness dictates that carrots exist, but they don’t fly.
A happy person does not have thoughts about being happy or unhappy. That is why he IS happy.
Every experience in Life is necessary just as it is, no matter how we label them.
To take a glass of wine or beer once in a while, is not a problem. Someone in that experience will not need to know “Dry January.” Those who are lost in alcohol, will surely experience what “Dry January” is. An extreme brings another.
Same principle applies with sexuality and celibacy.
For most individuals, sex has 2 main functions: Reproduction and fun\pleasure. There are more functions in sexuality, only known/experienced by few.
Most men are unaware that their vitality is embodied in their semen. The importance of this vital energy will be seen as the individual ages.
Most individuals are incapable of regulating their excitement and need to ejaculate. Due to the “macho”/”stud” conditioning, many men are depleted of their sexual energy, then; when they reach their 40-50- 60s they lack vitality.
What was the solution for this problem?
Nowadays, it is a “blue pill” which will take the person into further depletion or in other terms: it will submerge the person into greater vitality debt.
Before the “blue pill,” there was the natural means: Celibacy.
It was thought that by “not doing it,” a person will lose interest. Religions tried to sublimate the sexual urge by “purifying” a relationship through love of God or condemning sexuality and the “pleasures of the flesh.”
However, there cannot be celibacy when the individual is repressing and denying his own sexuality.
Celibacy is not repression. However, celibacy could be used as medicine to restore the vitality of an individual. When an individual is running in deficit, celibacy is not a repression, but a needed “practice.”
Some individuals believe that celibacy is only to abstain from sexual relationship with another; however, it is as well to abstain sex with yourself.
Nevertheless, the important factor is for the man to maintain its semen as much as possible, and not to abstain from human touch, feelings and pleasure.
It is easier to maintain a “black or white” posture: No sex, no touch, no pleasure and to disseminate the message that this “practice” is “spiritual.” However, most; at least 99% of individuals will repress to comply with this “spirituality.”
Since the above may be too restrictive; sex, touch and pleasure were allowed by some religious/ spiritual systems; but not ejaculation at all.
What was the outcome? Utter pressure. Sex was no longer enjoyable as someone has to “watch” for the moment of “no return.” Then guilt sets in, for that “failure” and the consequences of it.
The “reality” of human sexuality is that we cannot put all human beings in the same basket. We are all different and those differences will change in time: A 60-year-old is very different than a 20-year-old. A society will teach them to comply with some belief or some moral ideal, but the teaching does not cover to be AWARE of ourselves.
If a human was AWARE of himself, he will know to walk the “middle way” and to put himself in that path as Life turns into different streets. That “middle way” is never the same; nevertheless; it is the natural way. Most are prey of social/peer pressure, collective beliefs and nonsensical traditions which endanger their own well-being. That is the path of extremes.
Celibacy is as good and necessary as Sex is. They can complement each other. It all depends in timing, setting and circumstances. The keyword is “Balance.” To “practice celibacy” means for a limited time. Typically, we don’t “practice” sex. Naturally, we ARE sexual beings, but according to who WE ARE, we could manifest love and care through sex, OR lust and violence.
When celibacy is natural, it is no longer celibacy. Anything “practiced” with repression, will NEVER be natural.
Semen is Life. Through that we give Life to another. Your Life, your vitality depends on keeping that energy.
How many times a month shall I ejaculate?
You are missing the point. Discover what works for you. Be sensible, aware of what your body tells you. Change when there is a need. Forget about the “scientific research,” of what should be “normal.” Feel the balance. What is natural does not rely on numbers and formulas.
Sex and celibacy are the complete human sexual experience. They are ONE.
When individuals are trapped in the physicality of sex, the need to get rid of the sexual energy through 5 minutes of pleasure will be prevalent. For many, it is no longer enjoyable, but something that needs to be done to get back to “normal” life.
That “solution” may bring frustration as sexual energy tends to regenerate.
Others, may have a good amount of that sexual energy specially when young, nevertheless; their search for physical pleasure will unavoidably take that person in sexual energy “debt” in their older years. There will be lack of vitality.
Human sexuality as portrayed by pornography, typically shows aggression between partners. It is the frantic search for a solo pleasure even while with a partner. Violence is part of the setup, as it is to hit, grab and use abusive language towards a partner. It is a sweaty fight, where man and woman get out empty handed, for their vitality is lessened. In that consciousness, that performance is usually labeled as “great sex.”
At that level of human sexuality, there is no awareness of the subtle energies which are created during the sexual act.
The excitement of the body/mind is concerned in reaching a peak quickly, which is known as orgasm, without giving the opportunity for the subtle energies to settle their presence, and to become conscious of it.
There is no human behavior that shows best how we truly ARE, as human sexuality. There is no way to fake that, even while using “techniques.”
Even though so called “tantric practices” concentrate on “techniques” for the practitioners, the outcome is usually a phony event. That is no surprise as much “spirituality” is about faking the “now”: The goal is to BECOME in the “future” someone who we ARE not, some IDEAL. No guarantees. A technique will not do the trick.
Showing utmost respect and love of the sacredness of a partner is not something to fake by following the practices of a book, video or “master class.”
To be able to feel totally comfortable with ourselves and with another so the sexual embrace will be a slow dance, united by being overtaken by blissful energies which are building up through utmost relaxation… That is enlivening. That is a way to recuperate vitality.
I want some of that! How do I get it? What do I have to “practice”?
It is the process of refining BEING. It has nothing to do with sexual practices or techniques. Those techniques ARE, for those who ARE not.
Refining BEING from the gross to subtle is Tantra.
Self Love, enjoyment of sensuality, ability to surrender to the moment, awareness of sexual energies building feelings of love… All of that does not come through a book or a class.
Deconditioning of fear based attitudes and mental blockages through beliefs are part of the “work.” AWARENESS of inner feelings over mental conditioning.
Sexuality is only the outcome, the consequence of that “work.”
DOING, acting, performing what we ARE NOT, is the basis of inner dishonesty. Our whole mentality as society is based on that. We have forgotten to acknowledge BEING, but eventually, it catches up with us. That is when a seeker is interested in finding the TRUTH of Life, but unless his own inner dishonesty is faced first, there is no chance.
The TRUTH has been always within us. Human sexuality is only a manifestation of that truth.
Sex is the energy of creation. That energy is able to create Life and able to regenerate the self. As a matter of fact, it is able to generate a new consciousness, to uplift an individual. At the same time it is the source of degeneration and frustration for many human beings.
It is the “yes” and the “no.”
If Sex becomes a source of only physical/emotional/energetic release, a source of possession of another being, then frustration and lack of satisfaction are guaranteed.
A man could be a 5 minutes wonder with a woman from penetration to “orgasm” (release.) The woman may not be satisfied. The man is done, the woman is not. If the woman wants more, she automatically becomes a 4 letter word in the world of men. Repression is inculcated in the woman’s mind.
Our “morality” is meant for a man to be a “stud” and for a woman, a “hore.” So much for equality.
The “solution” is to ejaculate many times to be the “stud” (through artificial substances) or to become insensitive to pleasure so the man could last longer.
Both “solutions” will bring further frustration and will be toxic to the well being of man.
A woman may need to learn to pamper the ego of a man to survive in this society.
A sex addict is a frustrated individual. His vitality is continuously decreasing. The creative energy of sex is wasted out of frustration.
Even though sex is “accepted” by most modern societies, there is no satisfaction out of it. Why? The mind does not surrender to the moment. The mind controls sex life. Want proof? “According to a 2008 survey of sex therapists, sex is “too short” when it lasts one to two minutes. “Adequate” is three to seven minutes, and “desirable” is seven to 13…” We are being clocked in and clocked out, just like work! That is the mind: Numbers, analysis, division, control.
The label of “desirable” has nothing to do with the “real” experience.
What is the “solution”?
Not to ejaculate.
Then sex is no longer about enjoyment, but another “stressful” job. Watch out for the moment of no return and no matter what… do not ejaculate.
Many “mystical” traditions advise that. This “method” is applied without consideration on the student’s current consciousness. It is a sure road into frustration.
Do not forget about the worries of “pregnancy,” diseases, the use of plastic to “protect” yourself, etc… All of that, makes out of sex, a dangerous activity.
A better solution?
Negate completely what we cannot understand. The extreme.
The above is the bitter aspect of sex.
What is the sweet aspect?
When the sexual energy runs up into your head and the energy expands into the environment, Nature. We are creating new energy.
When time is limitless and the pleasurable sensation remains. When there is neither need to ejaculate nor an effort to stop it.
That is when sex becomes uplifting, for our vitality will be increased.
Because we have been programmed, conditioned with so many ideas and “moral” standards, our sexuality has suffered to the point where our minds do not allow enjoyment and the sensation of surrendering to the sexual experience.
In “mystical” terms, our “nadis” are not connecting our energetic centers. There are blockages stopping what otherwise is a natural flow.
Most individuals are unable to feel the inner energy, which is moving through sex. They are unaware.
The process of repairing our damaged sexuality is part of the “seeker’s” path.
Facing beliefs, healing emotions and erasing previous conditioning will need to be part of the job. We will need to learn to be free from the mind to truly enjoy.
In a few words, inner work is necessary. Without that inner work, anything we use as a “technique” or “method” to enjoy sex, to “enhance it” or to make it last longer, will not be natural for us.
After all, sexuality is not separated from ourselves. If we are harmonious, vital… Then our sexuality cannot be otherwise.
True celibacy comes after that point of being vital and harmonious. It cannot be before that, for then; it is only forced repression of something, which we do not know about.
Because we fear it, we reject it… because we are not willing to understand it, we will hurt ourselves.
Sex could be a slow, rhythmical dance of the senses, but for most; it is the race to the big “O.” It is about filling up the belly and not tasting the meal.