Tagged: Tantra

De-conditioning in Sexuality

As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.

I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences:  I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.

In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”

Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.

Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.

Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.

That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.

Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”

In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.

Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.

As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.

We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.

Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards.  Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.

As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.

Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.

Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.”  🙂

Evolved Human Sexuality

There is no topic in “spiritual conversations” which draw more attention and rejection, as human sexuality does. It is paradoxical to want and desire that which we have been conditioned to reject.  The other day I was engaged in a conversation about the “Hua Hu Ching,” verse 69:
“A person’s approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of evolution. Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they neglect the body’s other organs and systems. Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly dissipated and disordered. It is a great backward leap. For those who aspire to the higher realms of living, there is angelic dual cultivation. Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual organs. Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness. The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only by one who has himself achieved total energy integration, and taught only to students who follow the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking to purify and pacify the entire world along with their own being. However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and receive these celestial teachings directly from the immortals.”

The above is the origin of many religions, including the mass understanding of “Tantra.”  That is techniques, methods are given for a “reasonable charge,” it is the mass compulsion to purchase everything including who you want to BE. The above, will compel those who feel “un-evolved” to DO things to become “evolved” despite their DOING not matching their BEING. That is a mirage.

In my experience, Life as well as sexuality, are journeys. Sexuality IS the expression of who we ARE.
There is no “higher or lower” sexuality, it is only what we ARE, the “now” without further labels.
If what we ARE changes, our sexuality will change as well.

Thus, the emphasis is not on techniques and methods to improve sexuality. The emphasis is on “improving” the self.
How do we “improve” the self?
Through openness to life, through awareness, through observation. No actions needed. No fees to pay. No certifications to obtain.

Life will bring those teachings according to our level of consciousness, our place in the journey of Life. Kindergarten is not less than being a college graduate, for without kindergarten there would not be a college graduate. It is a continuous, a process which will bring the range of experiences through our awareness.

In Life; there are no shortcuts. Every stage has its own timing.
Thus, importance is no longer placed in a particular stage of Life or a particular aspect of it, we may discover that our capacity to enjoy the journey is of utmost importance.

For those interested in finding a “purpose” to living, let me express that in 2 words that we may understand.
1. Enjoy  2. Learn.
Joy is an attitude towards Life. Joy will keep the child inside.
Learning the teachings of Life lessons while unlearning the conditioning of the “office world” will nourish our insight, which will bring evolution, wisdom.

It is that valuable insight which will “certify” us as being ready in Life for that “sexual angelic cultivation” when our time arrives.

If we want to find someone to teach us, we will not find anyone who truly knows.
If we want to pray to the celestials teachers to get their teachings, it will not happen.
In Life what we want to accomplish does not matter. What matters is what we are willing to go through to get that. It is through that journey how we learn, how our consciousness changes, how we evolve and gain insight.

Self-realization is not sold in best sellers. It is not taught in any retreat by certified holy masters.
If we want self-realization, we will need to give up ourselves. That is the ultimate openness to Life.
Are you willing to go through that? Perhaps not now, but believe me, your time will arrive. 🙂

Deconditioning is the only “spirituality.”

What is in our minds is mostly conditioning. Learned behaviors, laws, morality, traditions, etc.
It is that conditioning which is the main obstacle for openness, surrendering, no-I.

Ego, the “I,” thrives in conditioning. It feels safe. That is the comfort of the known. Unchallenged, we behave just like robots: According to the software installed in us.  A society or a religious group relies on conditioning for the behavior of followers will be predictable.
This predictability is desirable to live in groups, societies. Control is geared to this end: Predictability.

If you are unpredictable, you become a menace to society.
How predictable is the weather? How predictable are acts of god?
Nature is unpredictable that is why it is feared.

Modern man has been conditioned to live in his own bubble of concrete, noise and technology. It is called safety. Nature is out, thus; to decondition someone, Nature should be “in.” That is the first step for humans, are part of Nature.

The whole idea of “spirituality” has been distorted to fit predictability. Become wise like some spiritual entity who can give talks but does not live Life like humans, practice some commandments or some “namas and niyamas,” without ever realizing if “I AM” those or “I am DOING” those. There is a huge difference.

Be nice, loving, compassionate, etc. Those are the teachings.
Why?
Because most Humans are not that, but they must behave like that. Nice, Loving and compassionate are concepts to practice, defined by lengthy words. We must fit into the definitions.

Inherent goodness in a person is found in the process of deconditioning, but it is thought and sold that further conditioning will make the trick.

Have you seen a salesman interacting with a potential customer?
The smile is fake. The interest in your needs is fake. The nice and charming ways are fake. Why?
There is an interest, a goal. Sales.

Every religion that has a goal for a follower such as heaven, paradise, god or any other lofty objective has an inherent interest, just like a salesman. However, religions (like salesmen) have a place in society, they have a reason to be: They change our conditioning into another type of conditioning, which we then call “truth,” true love, true morality, etc. That is to differentiate it from the one morality and love which are not “true.”

Here is my statement: Spiritual teachings are not needed to flourish in Life but Deconditioning is necessary to live a happy meaningful life. Before someone invents a “method” or “technique” and puts a catchy label for the masses such as “the True Tantra of Deconditioning,” let me say this, deconditioning cannot be taught. It has to be realized, we need to dissolve our luggage of emotional traumas. Deconditioning is not an idea to be understood, a concept to be practiced.

For lack of deconditioning; methods, techniques, steps are used to obtain something artificial which looks like the ideal, the objective in our minds.

Before trying to become some “spiritual” ideal, it is very important to know who you are for “You” are underneath the layers of conditioning.
In the knowledge of the self, freedom is not gained by fighting, but by giving up. Deconditioning is another word to describe that process. 🙂

The conditioning of imitation

“You should be like your brother, a good student, obedient and respectful…”
Parents may not realize it, but comparisons will leave deep scars in the “bad” son. Correcting is one thing, but comparing with another is only showing blunt rejection of a particular individuality. The “bad” son must imitate the “good” one to fit the standard.  The unwilling separation (good/bad) made by the parent with his progeny, will bring further issues.

We have learned to imitate to gain acceptance. There is always a “model” to copy and to follow.

We experience consequences when acting. If we are AWARE we will learn from our own actions as well as other people’s activities. However; that does not happen very often, that is why a “role model” is important in our society. We just need to follow, imitate. That “authority” is the IDEAL, the standard. That person could be an athlete, a politician, a religious person… All IDEALS. Their behaviors in turn, must fit expectations of that IDEAL for them to continue as “role models.”

Therefore, imitation is the avenue for “success.” Our personality, our BEING may not fit the IDEAL, but our behavior must fit in. That creates hypocrisy, dishonesty. Our DOING is not the same as our BEING.

In the spiritual world, we have the image of Jesus (or some other realized being) to follow, even though we have never met him. There are expectations of what Jesus should have been like. There is this ideal of a “saint” which is painted in the minds of mainstream society. Society is interested in the IDEAL not in the person behind Jesus.

We are conditioned to imitate an IDEAL.

Tantra is sold to the masses as the IDEAL of blissful sex. What the masses shouldn’t know at all costs, is that sex is a personal experience. What is blissful for you, may not be for someone else. The IDEAL of “bliss” is sold, comparison arrives and a “problem” is created. Thus, someone should sell the “solution” or better yet, the IDEAL of a solution.
Do you know why the IDEAL of a solution is better than a complete “solution” itself?
The IDEAL continuously sells… we are always close to the full solution, but not quite yet. A “solution” once applied and proven cannot longer sell.

Imitation is based on an IDEAL. The IDEAL is something that cannot be reached. That is the appeal of it. The masses strive to get the IDEAL of a “saint,” a “holy man,” but it cannot be reached for the IDEAL is not “real.”

Nevertheless, for many imitators, there is no better “reality” than the IDEAL.
Living through IDEALS, we are unable to let go of the mind.
Living though IDEALS we believe in a world which only exists in our minds.

For instance, the word “Love.” It is an IDEAL. The use of that word in a speech could make us look “good,” “caring,” etc. Love thy neighbor, Love the world, Peace and Love, Love and Light… All pretty IDEALS.
What is “real” cannot be put into words, cannot be defined. Once we understand this deeply, we will not try to find meaning in the words that someone says, but we will go right into the feelings, we will feel someone and what we feel will not be put into words…. But we will know.  

Then, Love may have a different meaning.  🙂

The game of Sexual “problems” and “solutions.”

There is no “spirituality” without sexuality, as there is no beach without Ocean.
There is no better indicator to know “where we are” in the “spiritual” game, than to observe the way we approach sexuality.
Some religions satanize sexuality. They are not concerned on self-knowledge of who we ARE now, but only in the “ideal” of what it “should be” in the future. That gap creates all sorts of insanity.

Sex could be from the ranges of no sex whatsoever, to “a lot” if we are looking at numbers; or from unfulfilling to fulfilling, if we are looking at quality. Anything in between is also part of the human experience. Every person in this planet interprets part of that range of experiences, therefore; where is the “problem”?

The “problem” arrives when we think that we have a “problem,” at that point “solutions” are needed.
To look for “solutions” is part of fulfilling our range of experiences.

Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
Our tendency is to label an experience as good or bad, normal or abnormal; those labels full of duality, are part of playing the “game” in society.

Why sexuality has taken such a great importance for the masses nowadays?
Because it has been repressed for many centuries. Sexuality has been confined through unspoken rules into what is “right and what is wrong.”

Those traumas linger in the human psyche as experiences of many past lives.
Many individuals feel unfulfilled with their sexual lives, thus the “sexual revolution” is marketing “solutions” to improve our sexual fulfillment.

Tantra for the masses is becoming just that, a technique to be learned and practiced to become “better.” That is not Tantra at all, but Spiritual salesmen are “helping” others to achieve great things… And even they pitch about higher consciousness, enhanced awareness, the ability to be in the “now” and of course, … “Enlightenment.” Salesmen know all the “keywords.”

For most individuals, the energy behind sexuality is anger.
Unless a person is ready to go deeper to release that energy, his BEING will be anger and therefore, his sex life will be manifested as anger as well.

This transformation is what Tantra is meant to assist, when the person is ready. The word “ready” doesn’t mean that “I think that I am ready.” It means that this person has gone through the range of experiences already and Life will support that change. Our experiences in Life are not random occurrences but carefully crafted, tailored for our growth.

Sexuality could be a source of frustration and a source of bliss. Sexuality could be a source of degradation and a source of wholesomeness and elevation. That is the range.
Humans keep creating “problems” by making that range dualistic: Frustration is wrong. Bliss is good… without realizing that every experience will change by itself (when the time is appropriate) as to complete the range of experiences.

We were born with certain gifts and certain handicaps; we could understand that. But truly, those are neither gifts nor handicaps but catalysts to experience an ever-dynamic Life.

Sexuality as spirituality, does not start in a Tantra retreat. Tantra is not meant for those who can pay for a class but for those who are “ready.”
Sexuality is “output.” “Input” is what we ARE.

The paths: Accept or Deny

To get a feel of Life, we may come to arrive to 2 different perspectives which paradoxically will take us to the same place.
We are nothing.
We are Everything.
That is it. That is why, I have written in a past article, that nothing is equal to everything.
If the above cannot be understood or the selection of words were not proper, the Hua Hu Ching, mentions 2 paths:
The path of acceptance
The path of denial.
Thus, in Life acceptance equals denial.

The mind probably is confused. The above does not make sense. Acceptance cannot be equal to denial. They are opposites. Correct?

So an explanation is needed: Affirm everything and everyone. Embrace all things. Extend your goodwill to every direction regardless of circumstances. That is acceptance.
Another name?
Tantra. That is acceptance of everything including your sexuality.
Another name? Taoism, openness, surrendering.

And the other path?
Everything that we perceive and think is an illusion, supported by our limited senses and limited understanding. Peel all the veils to arrive at the oneness of all.
Another name?
Yoga. That is denial of everything to be one, to be in union, to merge, to be nothing. Another name? Buddhism, Zen. 

Our society is between those paths of self-realization.
We are taught to be someone, to become someone.
We are taught to support one side of a duality and to reject the other. Choose acceptance or choose denial not both. 
What is “good”? What society teaches you to be good.
What is “evil”? what society teaches you to be evil. Yet, good and evil come always together. Our rejection of one side of a duality, must be experienced sooner or later.
Have you seen that in every issue there are at least 2 sides? Right and Wrong.
Morality has an imaginary line, that keeps moving every time to protect the “right ones” and to condemn the “wrong ones.”

Another name for this path? Insanity.
Most traditional religions embrace that. 
Bring a God. Reject the Devil. Both cannot live without each other. You choose one. You are someone.
Support what is “right.” Reject what is “wrong.” Fight with “someone.” You are “someone.” Another name for “Someone”? Ego.

When you are someone, you cannot be Everything.

When you are someone, to be Nothing is something to reject to be afraid of… but yet to be nothing is the way to be everything, and when “you” are everything… “you” cannot cease to BE, although, “you” are not …  🙂

What are you searching for?

The spiritual “marketplace” is open for buyers! The “office world” has expanded its domain from the mundane to the divine!  🙂

It is a big confusion out there. “Seekers” want something, but they don’t know what that is.
Yesterday, I was with a “spiritual group.” The leader started out reading D. Chopra. The theme of his explanation was “ I am the Universe.”
Evidently someone did not find that interesting and started talking about the “burden of the body and his desire to fly.” Then, someone spoke in a lengthy fashion about being “a flying yogi.” She could fly (levitate/ move around through astral body) while meditating and like her, there were others. Interest appeared, the “I want that too” took over. Finally, someone spoke about meditation and how Science has proven that “meditation is good for you.” This person informed the audience that “meditation can cure many illnesses and make you peaceful by setting up the day for you.” 

As I open my email, someone is selling “Tantra.” It can cure ED (erectile dysfunctions) she claimed, and give fantastic orgasms… Not only that, it can also give “illumination.”

What are you looking for?
Do you want to claim “I am the Universe,” even though, your consciousness shows that you are only your ego?
Do you want to fly and say “I can fly, you don’t” and accumulate “flying miles’ points”?
Isn’t meditation the “new thing”? look at all the benefits! We don’t have to DO a thing! Just sit there, close your eyes, repeat a mantra, put some incense, some light music on…But remember to pay to “learn” the technique… better say, give a “Love donation.”

Is Tantra the “magic pill”? Look, you get it all! “Magical thinking” has never been so good! Just bring your plastic (Visa/MC) or your paper money to keep the magic going!

Whoever invented “$$pirituality” created the “elixir of Life.” People are looking for hope to resolve their apparent unsolvable issues. After scientific research is left aside due to its limitations, anything will do. This is good! It creates openness in individuals, it brings them hope and desire for quality of Life.
All of the above is part of the journey of many.  Needed experiences that will make them grow, change, transform… but the question remains: What are you looking for?

Thus, go look around! Search for saviors, gurus, god, spirits, ego trips, blissful pleasures! You will learn a lot if AWARE, if not; your search will continue “improving”: Money, power, status, greed in this Life and the one after… Eternal Life!

Until awareness knocks at your door. Are you AWARE?
Who is searching? Isn’t it “I”? Who is that “I”? Aren’t you the “Universe”? Why go into the immensity of “out there” when you can go “in there”? Is there truly a difference between “out there” and “in there”?
Whenever you look in, what do you see? Is that you?
Now we are cooking!
The search is over when you find NOTHING rather than SOMETHING. Even though we may know this intellectually, we must go through the process to KNOW that the object of search does not matter. What matters is the process of searching. That is , Life experiences. 🙂