Tagged: sexuality

The power of relaxation

When we live in the mind, we will rely on information.
Why do we do this?
Because we want to make sure that we are “right” when we encounter something that we don’t know about. 
For example, how many hours do we need to sleep at night?
What the expert says? What is the information? What can I google about it?
How much cardio exercise do we need to be lean? How many times a week do we need to have sex to be “normal”?
What are the right kind of foods to eat? What is the proper form to breathe? How do we meditate? 
All of those questions are only looking for informative answers, so the mind can be satisfied; but at the same time, it tells how much UNAWARENESS there is. We are disconnected with ourselves.
A what moment, to drink a bottle of soda became more important than to drink plain water? We are disconnected and heavily conditioned, but we thrive in being “right.” However it is not “being right” but just following the accepted information.

When to be “right” is the sole purpose of living Life, we cannot relax and without relaxation our mental health and physical well-being are at stake.

Relaxation is not something that we “learn.” It is something that we “fall into” like “falling in love.” There is no DOING, it happens as we provide or nourish the proper environment. Then, it happens. It is KNOWN.

For instance, to have a busy schedule of people to see and places to go, is in fashion. We need to have something to DO, even though it may be meaningless, still that will offer us a sense that we are part of things by escaping from ourselves.
One activity after another offers no room for relaxation.

In our society, we believe that to relax means to sit in front of the TV.
That will give the illusion of relaxation, because our minds can forget about the self and its problems to deal with Life.
That is not it.
Relaxation implies ample time to observe the self, to explore it and to BE comfortable with ourselves.
What are the benefits?
Conscious living. That is not a small thing!
We function much better when relaxed. Conscious movement is part of it, in this way we could avoid hurting ourselves.
When we are relaxed, we could deal with other people in a peaceful manner, because we ARE peaceful. That is without trying to be peaceful, without “practicing” peace.
Eating and sleeping have great benefits for the self, when we are relaxed.

The gist of sexuality resides in utmost relaxation: That gives the time and space to explore, to feel and to enjoy the sensations; which in turn will give more relaxation, what stops this from happening is our own mind full of conditioning.

A relaxed individual enjoys mental health.
Anyone wants to learn how to relax? Anyone wants to “practice” it?
That cannot be possible for relaxation is a state of BEING and it is not a 2 hour daily practice, although; try it at home, experience the “practice” then there is knowing.

But, how do we start? By DOING NOTHING.
That creates the space, the environment for SOMETHING to happen naturally: Relaxation.
For how long? When Can I go back to my busy life?
RELAX. Take it easy. The answers will come to you not through informative words, but through experience.

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The Spirituality of Human Sexuality

When individuals are trapped in the physicality of sex, the need to get rid of the sexual energy through 5 minutes of pleasure will be prevalent. For many, it is no longer enjoyable, but something that needs to be done to get back to “normal” life.
That “solution” may bring frustration as sexual energy tends to regenerate.
Others, may have a good amount of that sexual energy specially when young, nevertheless; their search for physical pleasure will unavoidably take that person in sexual energy “debt” in their older years. There will be lack of vitality.

Human sexuality as portrayed by pornography, typically shows aggression between partners. It is the frantic search for a solo pleasure even while with a partner. Violence is part of the setup, as it is to hit, grab and use abusive language towards a partner.  It is a sweaty fight, where man and woman get out empty handed, for their vitality is lessened. In that consciousness, that performance is usually labeled as “great sex.”

At that level of human sexuality, there is no awareness of the subtle energies which are created during the sexual act.
The excitement of the body/mind is concerned in reaching a peak quickly, which is known as orgasm, without giving the opportunity for the subtle energies to settle their presence, and to become conscious of it.

There is no human behavior that shows best how we truly ARE,  as human sexuality. There is no way to fake that, even while using “techniques.”

Even though so called “tantric practices” concentrate on “techniques” for the practitioners, the outcome is usually a phony event. That is no surprise as much “spirituality” is about faking the “now”: The goal is to BECOME in the “future” someone who we ARE not, some IDEAL. No guarantees. A technique will not do the trick.

Showing utmost respect and love of the sacredness of a partner is not something to fake by following the practices of a book, video or “master class.”
To be able to feel totally comfortable with ourselves and with another so the sexual embrace will be a slow dance, united by being overtaken by blissful energies which are building up through utmost relaxation… That is enlivening. That is a way to recuperate vitality. 

I want some of that! How do I get it? What do I have to “practice”?

It is the process of refining BEING. It has nothing to do with sexual practices or techniques. Those techniques ARE, for those who ARE not.
Refining BEING from the gross to subtle is Tantra.
Self Love, enjoyment of sensuality, ability to surrender to the moment, awareness of sexual energies building feelings of love… All of that does not come through a book or a class.
Deconditioning of fear based attitudes and mental blockages through beliefs are part of the “work.” AWARENESS of inner feelings over mental conditioning.

Sexuality is only the outcome, the consequence of that “work.”

DOING, acting, performing what we ARE NOT, is the basis of inner dishonesty. Our whole mentality as society is based on that. We have forgotten to acknowledge BEING, but eventually, it catches up with us. That is when a seeker is interested in finding the TRUTH of Life, but unless his own inner dishonesty is faced first, there is no chance.

The TRUTH has been always within us. Human sexuality is only a manifestation of that truth.

 Tantra certification anyone?

That is an invention of our business oriented society. “Certifications” in “spirituality” are completely meaningless.
Tantra is not a bunch of information and “techniques” to “improve” sex. That idea could be sold to the masses as certification, but it is meaningless, as far as BEING Tantra.

Tantra is not for the masses, for the collective consciousness. Tantra is not something that we learn through books or classes. Tantra is a discovery as our awareness moves to a different space of consciousness. It is the reward of having lived through the polarity of experiences of many life times. It is not something to accomplish by paying a fee for a webinar or by joining an ashram.

Picture this: We sign up for a class and watch a video of the instructor having sex. What is the teaching? THIS is how you have sex! All you have to DO now is follow the instructor. That is how it works in our society: Follow the “expert.” In religions, “follow the guru.” There is an issue with that: Who you ARE is not acknowledged. What matters is to BE like someone else.
To be a fake, a knock-off is the teaching.

Someone IS anger and lust, but is taught that if he follows the “technique” correctly, he could be a “good” lover.
Someone IS cruel and violent, but we want for him to follow the compassion of Buddha.
That will not happen. BEING compassionate or loving is not a DOING. It is not a rehearsed “practice,” it is not an imitation.

Through Tantra, we let go of the mind. Without this requisite, our capacity for pleasure is limited. If our pleasure is limited, there is no fulfillment.
Of what good a technique is, when our capacity to feel pleasure is hindered?

Our capacity for pleasure does not depend on a particular activity. It is a way of BEING away from the mind, but in balance… Open to feel.

Sex is not the first thing to “talk” about in Tantra. It may be the last thing in the “subject” of Tantra, and that comes naturally and not by using techniques of any kind. It is a process like anything natural in Life.

Tantra is about BEING and NON-BEING and that cannot be given to someone through words.
Most of the articles written by Ahnanda in this blog, are about Tantra; but these are not on “how to have sex” or “how to last longer,” or “how to be a good lover.” These sharings, are not teachings.
How could someone in society, who is heavily conditioned; could experience the depth of human sexuality? That individual may need to discover and acknowledge who he IS “now,” rather than to follow some ideal of how he SHOULD BE. That person may need to be aware in such a way, as to see for himself all the beliefs, hang-ups, ideals and conditionings surrounding that which we call “I.” That liberation from that mind-driven “I” will give the empty space for pleasure and enjoyment to emerge naturally in Life, which otherwise is restrained by a conditioned mind.

Tantra is not to be taught through words, but shared through presence. It is a path for self-realization when the person is “ready” and that means, that it may not happen when “I” want it.

De-conditioning in Sexuality

As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.

I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences:  I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.

In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”

Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.

Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.

Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.

That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.

Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”

In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.

Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.

As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.

We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.

Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards.  Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.

As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.

Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.

Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.”  🙂

Evolved Human Sexuality

There is no topic in “spiritual conversations” which draw more attention and rejection, as human sexuality does. It is paradoxical to want and desire that which we have been conditioned to reject.  The other day I was engaged in a conversation about the “Hua Hu Ching,” verse 69:
“A person’s approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of evolution. Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they neglect the body’s other organs and systems. Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly dissipated and disordered. It is a great backward leap. For those who aspire to the higher realms of living, there is angelic dual cultivation. Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual organs. Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness. The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only by one who has himself achieved total energy integration, and taught only to students who follow the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking to purify and pacify the entire world along with their own being. However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and receive these celestial teachings directly from the immortals.”

The above is the origin of many religions, including the mass understanding of “Tantra.”  That is techniques, methods are given for a “reasonable charge,” it is the mass compulsion to purchase everything including who you want to BE. The above, will compel those who feel “un-evolved” to DO things to become “evolved” despite their DOING not matching their BEING. That is a mirage.

In my experience, Life as well as sexuality, are journeys. Sexuality IS the expression of who we ARE.
There is no “higher or lower” sexuality, it is only what we ARE, the “now” without further labels.
If what we ARE changes, our sexuality will change as well.

Thus, the emphasis is not on techniques and methods to improve sexuality. The emphasis is on “improving” the self.
How do we “improve” the self?
Through openness to life, through awareness, through observation. No actions needed. No fees to pay. No certifications to obtain.

Life will bring those teachings according to our level of consciousness, our place in the journey of Life. Kindergarten is not less than being a college graduate, for without kindergarten there would not be a college graduate. It is a continuous, a process which will bring the range of experiences through our awareness.

In Life; there are no shortcuts. Every stage has its own timing.
Thus, importance is no longer placed in a particular stage of Life or a particular aspect of it, we may discover that our capacity to enjoy the journey is of utmost importance.

For those interested in finding a “purpose” to living, let me express that in 2 words that we may understand.
1. Enjoy  2. Learn.
Joy is an attitude towards Life. Joy will keep the child inside.
Learning the teachings of Life lessons while unlearning the conditioning of the “office world” will nourish our insight, which will bring evolution, wisdom.

It is that valuable insight which will “certify” us as being ready in Life for that “sexual angelic cultivation” when our time arrives.

If we want to find someone to teach us, we will not find anyone who truly knows.
If we want to pray to the celestials teachers to get their teachings, it will not happen.
In Life what we want to accomplish does not matter. What matters is what we are willing to go through to get that. It is through that journey how we learn, how our consciousness changes, how we evolve and gain insight.

Self-realization is not sold in best sellers. It is not taught in any retreat by certified holy masters.
If we want self-realization, we will need to give up ourselves. That is the ultimate openness to Life.
Are you willing to go through that? Perhaps not now, but believe me, your time will arrive. 🙂

The rule of collective consciousness

In the path of self-realization, there are no things to DO to become something “special.” On the contrary, we are taking away those learned things which have been imbibed through centuries of conditioning.
In a nutshell, part of the path of self-realization is to be aware of the influence of the collective consciousness without rejection.

What is referred as “mass consciousness” has been identified by thinkers, philosophers, etc. However, for them it may be a reaction towards it, a rebellion as when a kid finds out that Santa does not exist. That kid could make a religion, a life purpose, a goal to “save” other kids from the lie of Santa… That is until he becomes an adult and has kids of his own, then he will support that “lie” when he sees the eager and happy faces of his kids as Christmas comes around …Ho, Ho, Ho! Santa is there to give gifts!

That is Life. If we reject, we will accept. That is the full range of experiences. If we neither reject nor accept; then there is a quality which cannot be described through words. You are out of that duality, but if we must describe that; we have no choice but to call it “acceptance, openness,” although it is not.

So there are 2 “acceptances” in the world of the mind. The one with a duality and the one without it.
The collective consciousness is goal oriented. It has to have a purpose. However, any activity with a goal in mind is void of enjoyment.
Enjoyment in Life is not just a phrase to make a religion out of it. It is BEING which comes through taking away the clothes of conditioning. Your underwear, the most intimate attire,  is collective consciousness.

John says that he likes sex. He says that he enjoys it. Nevertheless, he is concerned about “not lasting long enough” and to satiate the sexual appetite of his lover. His ego is searching for self-esteem through the recognition of his lover. He wants to be called a “stud,” he wants to be recognized as a fine lover. That is what John has learned. His fear is not to comply with that ideal, to “fail.”

How is it possible for John to enjoy sex? Mentally he is stuck in reaching an objective. His DOING is object oriented. That creates stress, anxiety and even emotional resentment to women, although John may not be AWARE enough to perceive it. John will look for “solutions” which in turn will support his conditioning, his belief system. Otherwise, John wouldn’t be interested.

To truly enjoy sex or any activity like eating or sleeping, the mind needs to go away. Far away. Sex is a discovery. Anything could happen. It is an opportunity for expression without frontiers of learned behaviors. It is an opportunity for trust, for opening to the possibility of being vulnerable. It is in that newness where enjoyment resides.

The collective consciousness has ideas, beliefs, moral values which are held as monuments of “Truth.” However, like Santa Claus; those ideals are just a matter of utility.

Enjoyment is a word with experiential depth. That depth is not known by the collective consciousness. 🙂

The range of human sexuality: Being is Knowing.

What we consider a “problem” or “normal” or supranormal” is just a particular experience in the total range of experiences. Those experiences will change as everything in Life changes albeit, in their own time which is beyond human control, thus destiny.
Destiny is what makes us all ONE. 

Let me illustrate an example of the different ranges of human experiences, through the experience of Sexuality:  Fear, frigidity, pain, premature ejaculation, dissatisfaction, numbness in the vagina, sexual addiction, lust, spermatophobia, feeling guilty, feeling wasted, pleasure, full body arousals, deep relaxation, energetic boost, feelings of love, blissful ecstasy, union beyond the corporeal…. That is a vague description of diverse ranges of experiences in human sexuality.

A “Black or white” mentally driven society or religion could label sex as “bad, dirty, lowly, sinful;” however, observe that sex is a different experience according to where we ARE in the range of experiences of human sexuality.
Likewise, a business oriented guru may say that “sex should be good, healthy, blissful and holy for all.” If you pay him a “love offering” he may teach you the “secrets” so you too could enjoy the benefits of long, blissful sex.
The issue is that ALL are not at the same point of the range of sexual experiences. Moreover, the teachings will be only techniques and mental information which do not affect or change BEING at all.
As you ARE (BEING,) so your experience of sexuality.  

Most everyone wants a fulfilling, loving, blissful and ecstatic sexual experience. That is not possible.
Why?
Because everyone is in a different level in the range of experiences. Life is about experiences and those are diverse like human beings. Although, we could be “successful” in other things at the “office world.”  😉
Knowing is BEING and unless we know, we are not living.
To gather information through books, talks, etc. is not KNOWING in Life. KNOWING is BEING it.

That is why, every attempt to clarify “spiritual” (Life) things through holy books or best-sellers will only create confusion, different interpretations.

For example, we hear “ Open your heart.” That is a basic phrase in the “spiritual lingo.”
Actually it only means what you interpret it to be. Moreover, can you explain how to “open your heart”? Are you sure that your experience is fitting those words? Is your experience the only type that could happen to “open your heart”?
Observe how vague a “solution” word could be. How easy it is to throw that word out there to solve other people’s problems, but to practically fail in our own.
“Open your heart” is meaningless, but yet we believe to have the answer to the “problem.”

Observe the changes within you. BE AWARE of the changes.
Life will bring experiences. We bring biased meaning to them. Experiences are like horses in a carrousel (merry-go-round.) There are different colors of horses, different positions or shapes of horses. We will go through all of them. When we put labels or ideas to reject or accept a particular horse, we are creating our own hell, as we have to go through all of them.  
Why?
BEING is KNOWING, when we are AWARE that we ARE, we KNOW, we ARE living. Without AWARENESS we are “sleeping,” death already without dying; no matter how active our “calendar of activities” is…