Tagged: sexuality

De-conditioning in Sexuality

As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.

I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences:  I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.

In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”

Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.

Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.

Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.

That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.

Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”

In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.

Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.

As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.

We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.

Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards.  Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.

As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.

Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.

Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.”  🙂

Evolved Human Sexuality

There is no topic in “spiritual conversations” which draw more attention and rejection, as human sexuality does. It is paradoxical to want and desire that which we have been conditioned to reject.  The other day I was engaged in a conversation about the “Hua Hu Ching,” verse 69:
“A person’s approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of evolution. Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they neglect the body’s other organs and systems. Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly dissipated and disordered. It is a great backward leap. For those who aspire to the higher realms of living, there is angelic dual cultivation. Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual organs. Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness. The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only by one who has himself achieved total energy integration, and taught only to students who follow the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking to purify and pacify the entire world along with their own being. However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and receive these celestial teachings directly from the immortals.”

The above is the origin of many religions, including the mass understanding of “Tantra.”  That is techniques, methods are given for a “reasonable charge,” it is the mass compulsion to purchase everything including who you want to BE. The above, will compel those who feel “un-evolved” to DO things to become “evolved” despite their DOING not matching their BEING. That is a mirage.

In my experience, Life as well as sexuality, are journeys. Sexuality IS the expression of who we ARE.
There is no “higher or lower” sexuality, it is only what we ARE, the “now” without further labels.
If what we ARE changes, our sexuality will change as well.

Thus, the emphasis is not on techniques and methods to improve sexuality. The emphasis is on “improving” the self.
How do we “improve” the self?
Through openness to life, through awareness, through observation. No actions needed. No fees to pay. No certifications to obtain.

Life will bring those teachings according to our level of consciousness, our place in the journey of Life. Kindergarten is not less than being a college graduate, for without kindergarten there would not be a college graduate. It is a continuous, a process which will bring the range of experiences through our awareness.

In Life; there are no shortcuts. Every stage has its own timing.
Thus, importance is no longer placed in a particular stage of Life or a particular aspect of it, we may discover that our capacity to enjoy the journey is of utmost importance.

For those interested in finding a “purpose” to living, let me express that in 2 words that we may understand.
1. Enjoy  2. Learn.
Joy is an attitude towards Life. Joy will keep the child inside.
Learning the teachings of Life lessons while unlearning the conditioning of the “office world” will nourish our insight, which will bring evolution, wisdom.

It is that valuable insight which will “certify” us as being ready in Life for that “sexual angelic cultivation” when our time arrives.

If we want to find someone to teach us, we will not find anyone who truly knows.
If we want to pray to the celestials teachers to get their teachings, it will not happen.
In Life what we want to accomplish does not matter. What matters is what we are willing to go through to get that. It is through that journey how we learn, how our consciousness changes, how we evolve and gain insight.

Self-realization is not sold in best sellers. It is not taught in any retreat by certified holy masters.
If we want self-realization, we will need to give up ourselves. That is the ultimate openness to Life.
Are you willing to go through that? Perhaps not now, but believe me, your time will arrive. 🙂

The rule of collective consciousness

In the path of self-realization, there are no things to DO to become something “special.” On the contrary, we are taking away those learned things which have been imbibed through centuries of conditioning.
In a nutshell, part of the path of self-realization is to be aware of the influence of the collective consciousness without rejection.

What is referred as “mass consciousness” has been identified by thinkers, philosophers, etc. However, for them it may be a reaction towards it, a rebellion as when a kid finds out that Santa does not exist. That kid could make a religion, a life purpose, a goal to “save” other kids from the lie of Santa… That is until he becomes an adult and has kids of his own, then he will support that “lie” when he sees the eager and happy faces of his kids as Christmas comes around …Ho, Ho, Ho! Santa is there to give gifts!

That is Life. If we reject, we will accept. That is the full range of experiences. If we neither reject nor accept; then there is a quality which cannot be described through words. You are out of that duality, but if we must describe that; we have no choice but to call it “acceptance, openness,” although it is not.

So there are 2 “acceptances” in the world of the mind. The one with a duality and the one without it.
The collective consciousness is goal oriented. It has to have a purpose. However, any activity with a goal in mind is void of enjoyment.
Enjoyment in Life is not just a phrase to make a religion out of it. It is BEING which comes through taking away the clothes of conditioning. Your underwear, the most intimate attire,  is collective consciousness.

John says that he likes sex. He says that he enjoys it. Nevertheless, he is concerned about “not lasting long enough” and to satiate the sexual appetite of his lover. His ego is searching for self-esteem through the recognition of his lover. He wants to be called a “stud,” he wants to be recognized as a fine lover. That is what John has learned. His fear is not to comply with that ideal, to “fail.”

How is it possible for John to enjoy sex? Mentally he is stuck in reaching an objective. His DOING is object oriented. That creates stress, anxiety and even emotional resentment to women, although John may not be AWARE enough to perceive it. John will look for “solutions” which in turn will support his conditioning, his belief system. Otherwise, John wouldn’t be interested.

To truly enjoy sex or any activity like eating or sleeping, the mind needs to go away. Far away. Sex is a discovery. Anything could happen. It is an opportunity for expression without frontiers of learned behaviors. It is an opportunity for trust, for opening to the possibility of being vulnerable. It is in that newness where enjoyment resides.

The collective consciousness has ideas, beliefs, moral values which are held as monuments of “Truth.” However, like Santa Claus; those ideals are just a matter of utility.

Enjoyment is a word with experiential depth. That depth is not known by the collective consciousness. 🙂

The range of human sexuality: Being is Knowing.

What we consider a “problem” or “normal” or supranormal” is just a particular experience in the total range of experiences. Those experiences will change as everything in Life changes albeit, in their own time which is beyond human control, thus destiny.
Destiny is what makes us all ONE. 

Let me illustrate an example of the different ranges of human experiences, through the experience of Sexuality:  Fear, frigidity, pain, premature ejaculation, dissatisfaction, numbness in the vagina, sexual addiction, lust, spermatophobia, feeling guilty, feeling wasted, pleasure, full body arousals, deep relaxation, energetic boost, feelings of love, blissful ecstasy, union beyond the corporeal…. That is a vague description of diverse ranges of experiences in human sexuality.

A “Black or white” mentally driven society or religion could label sex as “bad, dirty, lowly, sinful;” however, observe that sex is a different experience according to where we ARE in the range of experiences of human sexuality.
Likewise, a business oriented guru may say that “sex should be good, healthy, blissful and holy for all.” If you pay him a “love offering” he may teach you the “secrets” so you too could enjoy the benefits of long, blissful sex.
The issue is that ALL are not at the same point of the range of sexual experiences. Moreover, the teachings will be only techniques and mental information which do not affect or change BEING at all.
As you ARE (BEING,) so your experience of sexuality.  

Most everyone wants a fulfilling, loving, blissful and ecstatic sexual experience. That is not possible.
Why?
Because everyone is in a different level in the range of experiences. Life is about experiences and those are diverse like human beings. Although, we could be “successful” in other things at the “office world.”  😉
Knowing is BEING and unless we know, we are not living.
To gather information through books, talks, etc. is not KNOWING in Life. KNOWING is BEING it.

That is why, every attempt to clarify “spiritual” (Life) things through holy books or best-sellers will only create confusion, different interpretations.

For example, we hear “ Open your heart.” That is a basic phrase in the “spiritual lingo.”
Actually it only means what you interpret it to be. Moreover, can you explain how to “open your heart”? Are you sure that your experience is fitting those words? Is your experience the only type that could happen to “open your heart”?
Observe how vague a “solution” word could be. How easy it is to throw that word out there to solve other people’s problems, but to practically fail in our own.
“Open your heart” is meaningless, but yet we believe to have the answer to the “problem.”

Observe the changes within you. BE AWARE of the changes.
Life will bring experiences. We bring biased meaning to them. Experiences are like horses in a carrousel (merry-go-round.) There are different colors of horses, different positions or shapes of horses. We will go through all of them. When we put labels or ideas to reject or accept a particular horse, we are creating our own hell, as we have to go through all of them.  
Why?
BEING is KNOWING, when we are AWARE that we ARE, we KNOW, we ARE living. Without AWARENESS we are “sleeping,” death already without dying; no matter how active our “calendar of activities” is…

Questions on Human/ Sexual problems

“In the article of “Human Problems” you said that consider Life as a “GAME” and play it, which is a way to enjoy it. At one place, I find it completely okay and valid, and have experimented with it to some extent, but even after considering life as Game, I don’t enjoy it, I don’t find where the problem is, because even in Game there is a fear of losing and ego of winning, a target to achieve, and then the stress about the target, my simple question is what kind of Game is this Ahnanda? Even after knowing that it is simply a game and nothing else why are we not able to enjoy it and consider it a burden or a struggle most of the times.”

Thank you for your questions.
Realize that you don’t enjoy Life despite “knowing” that it is a game. That is all. Enjoy that realization! 🙂
No? Then, become AWARE of how your mind is not allowing you to enjoy through all the conditioning in it.
Social conditioning is shaping your perception of the word “game.” A game is something we do for distraction, amusement, entertainment.
However, in our society a game is a form of competitive sport or play, according to rules to “win” and decided by skill, strength, luck or politics.
You perceive “game” to be this option. However, it is not the only option.
It is your conditioned mind the one that will not allow you to enjoy, for “normal” conditioning in our society expects objectives, achievements, betterment or gains in anything.
To enjoy Life is the same as to enjoy “yourself.” Thus, if you don’t enjoy Life, you do not enjoy yourself. We are one with Life.

” In the article “The game of Sexual “problems” and “solutions.” You have said that “Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
If we are a pure soul, the outcome of it, sexuality as you say, should also be a pure thing. If we are a silent consciousness, the outcome, sexuality, also should be something very silent thing, if we are an emptiness, sexuality also should be an emptiness.
I am seriously not able to frame my question here but still, if our sexuality can be who we are then why it is condemned, as a homosexual, I have been condemned like hell. Even spiritual people consider it something very unnatural to be sexually attracted towards a human being, is that invalid thing when you are trying to be a spiritual person?”

Observe that you don’t have a question, but a complaint. If you ARE homosexual, then that is who you ARE in a limited vision. Acknowledge it. Society plays the game of beliefs, taboos, morality, etc. If you don’t fit those, you will be rejected. Play the game in society by being aware of those “rules.” That is all. No need to reject anyone, for the game will change. It always does. Have you noticed that every single human being does not fit the “ideal” that society is selling? Ideals are of the mind. Life is beyond the constraint of a conditioned mind.
Label yourself as something (Christian, homosexual, democrat, asian, etc.) and you will have supporters as well as opposition. That is the game.

If “spiritual people” consider unnatural to be attracted to a person, then they are not humans or reject their own humanity.
If a human being denies his own humanity for the sake of some ideal, that person cannot know who he IS. Without that, how spiritual someone could be?
While you are in this physical world, play the game of the physical world, not the game of a non-physical world. To be that honest with yourself is to be “spiritual.”

Of course, naturally someone may not feel attraction for another human being. That is fine too. The issue is when someone who feels attraction pretends not to feel it, because he wants to DO what someone else IS naturally. That is called Ego but also “spirituality.”

“One last question, it is true that even after having sex and masturbation many times in life, we aren’t content with it, what is the way to be content with it, or finding some method to reach a state of celibacy in a natural way is a solution to this? Please note that I am not talking about enforced celibacy here, I have tried that, it doesn’t work in my case.”

Are you making your lack of enjoyment into a problem?
You have some many ideals and concepts in your mind. That is the “problem.”
Empty your mind from so much information, so many beliefs.

Celibacy is the opposite of Sex. That is how the mind works when it finds a “problem” in sex, it goes to the opposite for a “solution.”
In the last article, it was mentioned about identifying the energy of anger that moves most individuals in society. Why is there anger? Because something about a person does not fit the ideal of society.  In your case, homosexuality.
For most, Sex becomes just a way to pacify the suffering of the mind and not a way to complete their enjoyment of Life.
All experiences have value for our own growth.  Thus, in Life there is no such a thing as “good or bad, right or wrong,” but those labels exist in the game of society. Every human being is in a different position in the path of self-realization. There is variety of experiences. 
Observe yourself. Enjoy the experiences, for they will change. They always do, for Life is change. Try anything you think will help you… Trust Life.  That is part of your experience, there will be growth through that.

 

 

The game of Sexual “problems” and “solutions.”

There is no “spirituality” without sexuality, as there is no beach without Ocean.
There is no better indicator to know “where we are” in the “spiritual” game, than to observe the way we approach sexuality.
Some religions satanize sexuality. They are not concerned on self-knowledge of who we ARE now, but only in the “ideal” of what it “should be” in the future. That gap creates all sorts of insanity.

Sex could be from the ranges of no sex whatsoever, to “a lot” if we are looking at numbers; or from unfulfilling to fulfilling, if we are looking at quality. Anything in between is also part of the human experience. Every person in this planet interprets part of that range of experiences, therefore; where is the “problem”?

The “problem” arrives when we think that we have a “problem,” at that point “solutions” are needed.
To look for “solutions” is part of fulfilling our range of experiences.

Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
Our tendency is to label an experience as good or bad, normal or abnormal; those labels full of duality, are part of playing the “game” in society.

Why sexuality has taken such a great importance for the masses nowadays?
Because it has been repressed for many centuries. Sexuality has been confined through unspoken rules into what is “right and what is wrong.”

Those traumas linger in the human psyche as experiences of many past lives.
Many individuals feel unfulfilled with their sexual lives, thus the “sexual revolution” is marketing “solutions” to improve our sexual fulfillment.

Tantra for the masses is becoming just that, a technique to be learned and practiced to become “better.” That is not Tantra at all, but Spiritual salesmen are “helping” others to achieve great things… And even they pitch about higher consciousness, enhanced awareness, the ability to be in the “now” and of course, … “Enlightenment.” Salesmen know all the “keywords.”

For most individuals, the energy behind sexuality is anger.
Unless a person is ready to go deeper to release that energy, his BEING will be anger and therefore, his sex life will be manifested as anger as well.

This transformation is what Tantra is meant to assist, when the person is ready. The word “ready” doesn’t mean that “I think that I am ready.” It means that this person has gone through the range of experiences already and Life will support that change. Our experiences in Life are not random occurrences but carefully crafted, tailored for our growth.

Sexuality could be a source of frustration and a source of bliss. Sexuality could be a source of degradation and a source of wholesomeness and elevation. That is the range.
Humans keep creating “problems” by making that range dualistic: Frustration is wrong. Bliss is good… without realizing that every experience will change by itself (when the time is appropriate) as to complete the range of experiences.

We were born with certain gifts and certain handicaps; we could understand that. But truly, those are neither gifts nor handicaps but catalysts to experience an ever-dynamic Life.

Sexuality as spirituality, does not start in a Tantra retreat. Tantra is not meant for those who can pay for a class but for those who are “ready.”
Sexuality is “output.” “Input” is what we ARE.

The Spirituality of sensuality

Perhaps most “spiritual gurus” out there will not take this topic into consideration. It is a taboo.
For most individuals, pleasure through the senses is confined through moral standards and preconceptions of what is “good” and proper and what is “bad,” sleazy.

Our senses and the pleasure that they can bring harmonize our existence in the physical plane. Sensuality, sexiness, eroticism, seductiveness, etc. All words relating to sensuality. “Sinful” is the connotation most have in their minds.
Because of ideals of morality and prudishness; the simple enjoyment of our senses is limited and even avoided. 

Out of all the pleasures that man could enjoy, to eat is considered “good” by most cultures.
As other senses are included, restrictions will arise. Pleasure becomes a mental task limited by imaginary lines. Fulfilment is not experienced through these self-imposed limits which appear through our conditioning.

What is the result?
A human who is incapable to relax, to enjoy. Deep enjoyment is deep relaxation.
Our society has been conditioned to accept that to endure pain and suffering is a way to show “spiritual maturity.” Pleasure on the other hand, which is the other side of that duality; is dismissed or secretly embraced.
Sex is one of those pleasures which humans have looked for ways to control, deny or splurge on in the name of “spirituality.”

The acknowledgement of sensuality starts in little things: walking in grass barefooted, taking the time to smell the fragrances of flowers, swimming in the Ocean unencumbered of thoughts,  taking sunshine and becoming aware of the Sun’s rays caressing your body, etc.
When pleasure takes effect, an automatic relaxation will be felt as our breathing slows down rhythmically: We have surrendered to that experience. The moment will cease to be when pleasure transforms into uncomfort, even pain. That is the natural course of this duality.

Nevertheless, for most; it is the mind and thoughts which will end the experience in a premature way; thus there will be unfulfillment.

This continuous state of unfulfillment craves for more pleasure to counter pain/sadness/anguish/anxiety therefore, addiction sets in.
An addicted individual will end up hurting himself. That is why our moral standards, our prudishness is there as protection, but the emotion of guilt is the outcome.
The culprit is not pleasure or sensuality. The issue is our constant thoughts who will not allow us to enjoy.  Thus, “(I can get no) satisfaction…”  🙂

Therefore, many “new age” spirituality concerned with “freedom” of expressing ourselves and sending the message to the masses to “liberate themselves” through the experience of sensuality; are missing a very important point: When there is mind, there cannot be fulfillment. Without fulfillment, there is no joy. Thus, inner awareness of our mind, beliefs and traumas is the first step, without it there is exhausting debauchery.
Sensuality starts when the mind ends. That state of “spirituality” hasn’t been experienced by many.