As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.
I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences: I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.
In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”
Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.
Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.
Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.
That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.
Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”
In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.
Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.
As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.
We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.
Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards. Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.
As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.
Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.
Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.” 🙂
There is no topic in “spiritual conversations” which draw more attention and rejection, as human sexuality does. It is paradoxical to want and desire that which we have been conditioned to reject. The other day I was engaged in a conversation about the “Hua Hu Ching,” verse 69:
“A person’s approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of evolution. Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they neglect the body’s other organs and systems. Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly dissipated and disordered. It is a great backward leap. For those who aspire to the higher realms of living, there is angelic dual cultivation. Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual organs. Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness. The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only by one who has himself achieved total energy integration, and taught only to students who follow the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking to purify and pacify the entire world along with their own being. However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and receive these celestial teachings directly from the immortals.”
The above is the origin of many religions, including the mass understanding of “Tantra.” That is techniques, methods are given for a “reasonable charge,” it is the mass compulsion to purchase everything including who you want to BE. The above, will compel those who feel “un-evolved” to DO things to become “evolved” despite their DOING not matching their BEING. That is a mirage.
In my experience, Life as well as sexuality, are journeys. Sexuality IS the expression of who we ARE.
There is no “higher or lower” sexuality, it is only what we ARE, the “now” without further labels.
If what we ARE changes, our sexuality will change as well.
Thus, the emphasis is not on techniques and methods to improve sexuality. The emphasis is on “improving” the self.
How do we “improve” the self?
Through openness to life, through awareness, through observation. No actions needed. No fees to pay. No certifications to obtain.
Life will bring those teachings according to our level of consciousness, our place in the journey of Life. Kindergarten is not less than being a college graduate, for without kindergarten there would not be a college graduate. It is a continuous, a process which will bring the range of experiences through our awareness.
In Life; there are no shortcuts. Every stage has its own timing.
Thus, importance is no longer placed in a particular stage of Life or a particular aspect of it, we may discover that our capacity to enjoy the journey is of utmost importance.
For those interested in finding a “purpose” to living, let me express that in 2 words that we may understand.
1. Enjoy 2. Learn.
Joy is an attitude towards Life. Joy will keep the child inside.
Learning the teachings of Life lessons while unlearning the conditioning of the “office world” will nourish our insight, which will bring evolution, wisdom.
It is that valuable insight which will “certify” us as being ready in Life for that “sexual angelic cultivation” when our time arrives.
If we want to find someone to teach us, we will not find anyone who truly knows.
If we want to pray to the celestials teachers to get their teachings, it will not happen.
In Life what we want to accomplish does not matter. What matters is what we are willing to go through to get that. It is through that journey how we learn, how our consciousness changes, how we evolve and gain insight.
Self-realization is not sold in best sellers. It is not taught in any retreat by certified holy masters.
If we want self-realization, we will need to give up ourselves. That is the ultimate openness to Life.
Are you willing to go through that? Perhaps not now, but believe me, your time will arrive. 🙂
In the path of self-realization, there are no things to DO to become something “special.” On the contrary, we are taking away those learned things which have been imbibed through centuries of conditioning.
In a nutshell, part of the path of self-realization is to be aware of the influence of the collective consciousness without rejection.
What is referred as “mass consciousness” has been identified by thinkers, philosophers, etc. However, for them it may be a reaction towards it, a rebellion as when a kid finds out that Santa does not exist. That kid could make a religion, a life purpose, a goal to “save” other kids from the lie of Santa… That is until he becomes an adult and has kids of his own, then he will support that “lie” when he sees the eager and happy faces of his kids as Christmas comes around …Ho, Ho, Ho! Santa is there to give gifts!
That is Life. If we reject, we will accept. That is the full range of experiences. If we neither reject nor accept; then there is a quality which cannot be described through words. You are out of that duality, but if we must describe that; we have no choice but to call it “acceptance, openness,” although it is not.
So there are 2 “acceptances” in the world of the mind. The one with a duality and the one without it.
The collective consciousness is goal oriented. It has to have a purpose. However, any activity with a goal in mind is void of enjoyment.
Enjoyment in Life is not just a phrase to make a religion out of it. It is BEING which comes through taking away the clothes of conditioning. Your underwear, the most intimate attire, is collective consciousness.
John says that he likes sex. He says that he enjoys it. Nevertheless, he is concerned about “not lasting long enough” and to satiate the sexual appetite of his lover. His ego is searching for self-esteem through the recognition of his lover. He wants to be called a “stud,” he wants to be recognized as a fine lover. That is what John has learned. His fear is not to comply with that ideal, to “fail.”
How is it possible for John to enjoy sex? Mentally he is stuck in reaching an objective. His DOING is object oriented. That creates stress, anxiety and even emotional resentment to women, although John may not be AWARE enough to perceive it. John will look for “solutions” which in turn will support his conditioning, his belief system. Otherwise, John wouldn’t be interested.
To truly enjoy sex or any activity like eating or sleeping, the mind needs to go away. Far away. Sex is a discovery. Anything could happen. It is an opportunity for expression without frontiers of learned behaviors. It is an opportunity for trust, for opening to the possibility of being vulnerable. It is in that newness where enjoyment resides.
The collective consciousness has ideas, beliefs, moral values which are held as monuments of “Truth.” However, like Santa Claus; those ideals are just a matter of utility.
Enjoyment is a word with experiential depth. That depth is not known by the collective consciousness. 🙂
There is no “spirituality” without sexuality, as there is no beach without Ocean.
There is no better indicator to know “where we are” in the “spiritual” game, than to observe the way we approach sexuality.
Some religions satanize sexuality. They are not concerned on self-knowledge of who we ARE now, but only in the “ideal” of what it “should be” in the future. That gap creates all sorts of insanity.
Sex could be from the ranges of no sex whatsoever, to “a lot” if we are looking at numbers; or from unfulfilling to fulfilling, if we are looking at quality. Anything in between is also part of the human experience. Every person in this planet interprets part of that range of experiences, therefore; where is the “problem”?
The “problem” arrives when we think that we have a “problem,” at that point “solutions” are needed.
To look for “solutions” is part of fulfilling our range of experiences.
Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
Our tendency is to label an experience as good or bad, normal or abnormal; those labels full of duality, are part of playing the “game” in society.
Why sexuality has taken such a great importance for the masses nowadays?
Because it has been repressed for many centuries. Sexuality has been confined through unspoken rules into what is “right and what is wrong.”
Those traumas linger in the human psyche as experiences of many past lives.
Many individuals feel unfulfilled with their sexual lives, thus the “sexual revolution” is marketing “solutions” to improve our sexual fulfillment.
Tantra for the masses is becoming just that, a technique to be learned and practiced to become “better.” That is not Tantra at all, but Spiritual salesmen are “helping” others to achieve great things… And even they pitch about higher consciousness, enhanced awareness, the ability to be in the “now” and of course, … “Enlightenment.” Salesmen know all the “keywords.”
For most individuals, the energy behind sexuality is anger.
Unless a person is ready to go deeper to release that energy, his BEING will be anger and therefore, his sex life will be manifested as anger as well.
This transformation is what Tantra is meant to assist, when the person is ready. The word “ready” doesn’t mean that “I think that I am ready.” It means that this person has gone through the range of experiences already and Life will support that change. Our experiences in Life are not random occurrences but carefully crafted, tailored for our growth.
Sexuality could be a source of frustration and a source of bliss. Sexuality could be a source of degradation and a source of wholesomeness and elevation. That is the range.
Humans keep creating “problems” by making that range dualistic: Frustration is wrong. Bliss is good… without realizing that every experience will change by itself (when the time is appropriate) as to complete the range of experiences.
We were born with certain gifts and certain handicaps; we could understand that. But truly, those are neither gifts nor handicaps but catalysts to experience an ever-dynamic Life.
Sexuality as spirituality, does not start in a Tantra retreat. Tantra is not meant for those who can pay for a class but for those who are “ready.”
Sexuality is “output.” “Input” is what we ARE.
Let us say that John is having a deeply “spiritual” moment with his wife Teresa. He is having sex with her.
During that time of enjoyment, his mind starts to send/catch thoughts.
John’s mind has a thought of a man that he saw before. He was a well built, good looking man in John’s view.
That thought, threw John off completely from the sexual experience with his wife. John was very concerned about “that” incident.
John labeled the thought as being “homosexual.” He even freaked out by the thought that he could have “homosexual tendencies”. From that point on, John created his own hell.
No? It never happened to you?
It may. 🙂
The understanding of the experience explained above, could send light into the meaning of mature/aware “spirituality”.
Observe how the thought appeared. John thought that he actually created the thought. Great awareness, John!
This thought created a sense of guilt, lack of comfort.
It is not “right” to think that. John sees himself as “straight” (another label to create duality).
There is a rejection about the idea of homosexuality. This idea brings all the taboos, hang ups, beliefs, conditionings in John.
Observe that the sacred moment of John’s enjoyment with his wife, became a moment of disturbance. John was worried about this.
John wanted to “fix” this “problem” right away!
He had an inner conflict. He was ready to reject anything homosexual. He was ready to fight for his “cause” of being a “moral” man, that is; a “Godly man”. John was ready to defend his “righteousness”.
All of that, just to cover a rejected thought.
When we are living in the mind, a thought is everything.
Let us see Life from another perspective. In this perspective, thoughts do not matter at all. They are just the outcome of our conditioning.
In this perspective, what matters is the feeling. Thoughts could arrive, they could be weird, but they are welcome.
Do you want to resist? Do you want to put the mental conditioning up front?
That will be our tendency.
Let that go. The feeling is all that matters.
Have you ever wondered if the thought about a man, while having sex with your wife will make you into homosexual?
Apparently John believed so. His mental hell was in motion.
Observe how words, labels, ideas will make Life into a “problem”.
Observe how enjoyment becomes an ideal when the moment is not accepted, acknowledged as it is. We want to “fix” our thoughts by covering those with another thought, a “good” thought, but deep inside we know that we are just covering things to align with our conditioning.
A thought will come back as long as we reject it. If it is not rejected, it just goes away. It came to you; it goes from you.
“Empty” of beliefs, mental baggage about what should be, that may be a mentally sound individual.
The feeling of enjoyment is purely a sensation. We will kill the moment by identifying with a thought.
Openness means lack of rejections, repressions. To acknowledge the existence of “what is;” because if it is, it has a reason to exist.
Tantra is not for everyone. It typically arrives towards the end of a journey of many lives.
Every suppression, every rejection, every emotional trauma had caused and nourished an entity inside us, which we call ego, the “I.”
That entity is not “bad.” It is the result of living many Lives without awareness. Through Tantra, that emotional energy which is defining our personality, collapses little by little and something new emerges, something which is able to integrate everything that is.
Sexual energy is part of that. Most individuals are only aware of sex as energy for reproduction or for recreational purposes due to the pleasurable sensations. The offset of that, is loss of energy as in Nature there is a subtle balance of dualities. That is known as harmony.
That is why, there is Tantra; to maintain that balance and enjoyment as much as possible.
Thus, this type of sexual energy has a different purpose: To increase vitality in the participants, to re-energize, to bond, to freed.
Because this is a discovery, it cannot be taught; but Life will bring the answers when we are ready for we are one with Life.
Sexual energy is repressed in our society for lack of understanding. One of the greatest gifts that Life has given us, is mostly feared as if it was a nuisance rather than a gift. Emotional traumas are part of most individuals at this time. That is how Tantra acquired a different reputation: Individuals who were not ready for the catharsis that implies self-realization, used Tantra as a “spiritual way,” a method to rationalize the indulgence in sex.
Please consider this: Any method to attain something, only shows that “naturally” we are not ready for it.
Tantra is not just about sex. It is about Life, and sex is part of Life. Nevertheless, most individuals are only concerned with the “techniques,” the “methods” to excel in sex according to their minds, without realizing that even if the individual is sexually satisfied, he cannot be fulfilled in Life.
The icing of the cake became the greatest thing to eat, but the belly is still hungry.
When emotional traumas, detrimental beliefs, hang ups are dissolved from ourselves, what is “natural” will arrive again. That innocence that many are looking to attain by DOING things, will be there. That peace, calmness, “going with the flow,” will arrive by itself. It is through this new being how sexual energy can flow naturally, as it is meant to be.
Wherever you are in Life is “good.” It is an unique experience of the range of experiences in Life. That experience will change and move on. It is never static.
Observe that the waters of the Ocean of Life are moving continuously, it is in that awareness how the realization of the uniqueness of the moment arises. That is all there is.
Anything the mind “thinks about” is just a cloud moving in the sky, taking your attention out of the Ocean. That cloud changes its form in your mind: It could be a position, power, riches, etc. all of those things valued in our conditioned mind… yet the Ocean is missed, living in the “now” is missed.
You can touch the Ocean, swim in it… but with a cloud, you can only do that with your mind.
Most humans at this time are caught with the cloud and even calling it: “My cloud.”
Tantra is awareness, for in awareness we are living life; appreciating this unique moment, tasting it.
The mind is concerned with a purpose, a reason, a goal for existing… That is the cloud. Ideals bring methods, laws, commandments, techniques to “achieve” the cloud.
That is the human condition: To live in the cloud of the mind, without a chance to taste the feelings of the Ocean of Life.
What is the “spiritual”change needed? To look at the Ocean and feel it with all your being. 🙂
In our society suffering, immolation, sacrifice, etc. have a “good” connotation. Typically, it is the “I” giving up itself for others.
Pleasure, sensuality, sexiness, etc. have a “bad” connotation. It is the “I” being ego centered, hedonistic, indulging himself rather than “helping others.”
Our morality is based on the dichotomy of those values.
Pleasure is mostly condemned and suffering exalted, considered “spiritual.”
Suffering, immolation, sacrifice are always of the “I.” It is the “I” suffering for others, to become better, to accomplish things. This could be easily labeled as Love but it is not. Giving yourself for others without the “I” in between, is indeed Love. The difference cannot be told by the media, the masses, the lawyers… Thus, behind an action there is always an intention, not known by the “others” and mostly rationalized by the “I” to fit an image of sainthood. In time, this becomes absolute hypocrisy.
Paradoxically, pleasure is fulfilling in the experience of “no-I.” If there is an “I” wanting to experience pleasure, that pleasure will be unfulfilling for the “I” cannot reach satisfaction, the ego-mind will continually disturb the experience of pleasure.
Sex is a great example to illustrate the above.
Individuals condemning pleasure in the name of morality, have already a strong conditioning against sexuality. The “I” wants to be in “control” in an experience which is meant to abandon the control of the “I.” A person is unable to be fully present, in the “now” while thinking about being in “control.” We can learn a lot about ourselves from our sexuality.
When the “I” looks for pleasure, it cannot resist the sensations but yet the experience may be unfulfilling. Thus, it becomes addictive. The mind will keep a dream of pursuing full satisfaction which cannot exist.
Thus, the avoidance or regulation of sensual pleasure is preached by many religions and societies. The “rebels” of this sort of morality act in rejection of established moral values, but they are still influenced by the morality of guilt and sin, deep inside.
Their reactionary movement lacks awareness, for with awareness there is no need to be reactionary.
Suffering is used by religions and moral laws as expiation of “sin.” The morality of guilt and shame is created through the exaltation of suffering as a means to redeem the individual from “sin.”
Suffering and pleasure are 2 ends of the same experience. The experience of one side, brings necessarily the other. Therefore, moral values rejecting one side to promote the other are unrealistic, utopic.
Our conditioning is to reject one side of a duality. At this time, that teaching/belief is outdated and detrimental. Integration of all energies, is very important at this time. Here is where the balancing act resides, where harmony in the self means harmony with the world, the Totality.
Suffering and pleasure are part of living Life at this time.Embrace them. They are not meant to be a traumatic experience unless we make it that way; but only a particular and passing experience of the vast range of experiences in Life. It is the dolphin swimming in the ocean: Now you see it, a minute later you will not… yet the Ocean remains with Life. 🙂