Tagged: self

The quest of identity

Who am I?
There are many answers, depending on our level of consciousness. Thus, all good.

If we try to define and identify ourselves, what we obtain is entertainment and empty reassurance for the mind.

“I” am a human being, a lawyer, a parent, a spirit, a soul, or simply, “I” am John Doe. Many labels that “I” can be! But… I am not the label nor the idea behind it.

Consider this “secret.”
Any question is already defining the scope of the answer.

Why does the Sun set? The Sun does not set in the horizon. It only appears to us that way. Many things that we consider “realities” in Life, only appear to be that way. Even though we know through science that is the Earth moving, our experience does not agree with that. Can I deny my experience to embrace a belief even though labeled as “knowledge”?
Enjoy the sunset! That is fulfilling. That is what truly matters.

Let us go back. Who am “I”? It appears that there is something static to call “I” to hang onto; but there is nothing static in a changing Life. We heard “Life is change” but we cannot easily accept that Life is uncertain, mysterious. 

“I” was 5 years old. That “I” is nothing like the one living “now.” 
Am “I” the same? Not a chance, but my mind believes it through dead memories.

The word “I” must be used to make sense in language; but we believe that there is something static which we call “I.” However, that does not agree with what IS.
Then…what IS? Change, uncertainty, everlasting movement.
Can we confine everlasting change into an “I”?
Only in our conditioned “reality.” It is a core belief which has lived for centuries in our human psyche; coloring religions, philosophies, educational systems, etc.
We cannot understand Life until that primal conditioning is uprooted, for we see Life only through that lens.

When we are at peace with change, uncertainty and unpredictability, we ARE living Life. We ARE “spiritual.”

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From Self and others into no-self and Totality

Self-discovery is not a method. It is a process of unfolding what is “there,” to the point where “that” is no longer there.
What is left?
Nothing. At that instant, we are everything.

How long does it take?
As long as it is needed. The game is to go from one extreme of the range of experiences into the other, just to come back again.

The minute we acknowledge suffering, injustice, death and pain, that is the instant that we will look for “solutions.” A seeker is born, full of “I.”

The “I” will look for “salvation.” The “I” is aware of its own pettiness and will seek out for a savior. That is the beginning of “paths for salvation.”
Let us believe in a God. Let us worship Him. Let us seek His favors. Let us be the “chosen” ones.
There is no better way to enhance the worth of that “I.”

If you are a rebel, if you don’t want to believe in a savior, then you will believe in yourself.
Again, the same trap of the “I.” Destiny is solely in “my” hands, “I” make choices, “I” want to become better, “I” want, desire, need… My Life is about fulfilling those needs/wants/whims, etc.

Let me worship with others, sing “halleluiah” and read the holy books about my savior. “I am” safe.
Perhaps at some time in our path, we may want to stop believing about someone or myself and engaging our awareness into that which we call the “I.” That is a different consciousness.

At that point, beliefs are of no use. Rather than looking for the savior, there is a need to “know myself.”

Seekers who are experiencing this stage, will usually talk about “the world being a mirror of the self,” everything goes back to “me.” Every event happens so I can know myself, etc. It is a “Me” world.
That is the time for healing emotions, discarding beliefs, separating from the world, just to come back to it.

As we discover many things about the self, we will get stuck into the emotions of pain, guilt, shame, cowardice, anger, lust, attachment, etc. believing that this is “me” and wanting to let those emotions go away… then, we may be ready to explore another state of consciousness…

Then perhaps, we could experience that this “I” is not a static thing. It is changing. Thus, an emotion felt is not “me” but it was “me” at one point in time. The attachment to a perception of what “I” think is true, right, reality, perfection, moral, etc. is not allowing the static “image” of that “I,” what “I” believe to be myself, to move on.

Everyone of us, is not who we think we are… however, we hold on to the idea, the mental paradigm which gives Life to the “same old thing” under all circumstances.

Perhaps at this point, we could discover that this “I” is like a rainbow. It only becomes visible to us according to some circumstances even though it is the same light of the day in a different package, but we think that it is only “real after the rain” and then it disappears, it dies, it goes away… but the rainbow is always there…
If we could understand this mystery of the rainbow, at least intellectually; we could perceive the mystery of the “I.”

It is there, Yes. But at the same time, it does not exist. When our consciousness is taken away from the rainbow, what is left?
Everything… the whole day and light including that rainbow which is there although we cannot see it.

Where God could be then, when there is no “I”? Where is the healing of the “I” if there is no “I”? Where is “spirituality” when there is no “I”?
Everything has a new meaning. New words with new meanings. At that instant we are Oneness. We are the Totality… when we are everything, what is lacking then?
Nothing.

When the “I” becomes “Nothing,” we lack nothing for we are everything. That is a “full circle.” The search and the seeker are over, gone… Nothing. 🙂

Freedom from the belief of labeling someone as God or the Devil

Consciousness allows someone to perceive things in a particular way. According to that consciousness, we could have a limited understanding. To see things under a different perspective means to have the openness to accept newness. Honesty means to acknowledge our new perception despite a belief, a teaching, and a dogma.
Fear arrives through dishonesty.

Ahnanda is not concerned about denying or proving the existence of God or the Devil. Ahnanda is only concerned about finding his own beliefs. Rest assured, that this sharing is based on my own experience.

I have searched for God. I have found God. I have forgotten myself.
I found myself, then I found no-self and with that I found that all there is… is God. Although, many labels could be used to name it.

Do you want me to elaborate on that? It is for you to find out. It will be misunderstood for those who have not gone through the full experience.

“God created the Universe.”
Didn’t he create the Devil as well?
“NO. God has given us free will to choose.”
Really? Why is the Devil “wrong” then, isn’t he following his free will?
“Because he is against God.”
Is it “free will” as long as we do not go against God? That is not free will but manipulation. Isn’t that a devilish trait?

God and the Devil depend on each other to survive.
Believers are needed.

“But, I had an experience with God himself. I felt floating in bliss and with such love that it had to be God giving me this experience. It cannot be the Devil.”

The issue is not the experience of something extraordinary in our lives. The issue is the label that we have used to describe that.
“That must be God.”
The concept, the definition is added into that experience and through that a belief.
Let me “rephrase” your consciousness:
“I am unique. God has chosen me. Someone else’s experience is not the “true” one for I know God and they don’t.”

The clothes of Santa Claus do not make the one wearing it, as the “true” Santa. You have to believe in Santa, for that concept to exist. We make that concept alive.
Different people wear the Santa Claus’s clothing. Common agreement makes that clothing “special.”
“Knowing God” is meant to enhance the ego of the one who claims that. In my experience, it truly doesn’t matter if you “know God.”

Know yourself to find no-self. That matters to you and to me. Not to God or the Devil.

“God did not create the Universe. Everything already existed. “
If God did not create the Universe, why do we call him God then?
“Because, he is the Supreme.”

Isn’t that a belief based on the concept that God has to be the supreme? Aren’t we building up concepts upon concepts to make an ideal?
Because we have 2 different explanations of God; Is it possible for God to create the Universe and not to create the Universe at the same time?
“Well… One belief is right and the other is wrong.”
I suppose yours is “right,” correct? At the end, it is about “you.”

Beliefs are neither right nor wrong. They are just beliefs.
Accept a belief and your perception will be in one way.
Do not accept it and your perception will be in a different way.
Acknowledge the belief and let it go, and your perception will be yet in a different way.

What difference does it make to know who created the Universe?
What difference does it make to have intellectual answers to believe in?
Lost in the intellect, the mind, we forget the heart. That heart which is not meant to love “God alone,” but to love without restrictions.

Truly want to know what love is?
It is inversely proportional to the size of the “I.” That is the extent of your love. Love is being it.
How do you like that “definition”? 🙂

“What is your relationship with God?”
Until I find no-self, there cannot possibly be a relationship. I can call God my father, my lover, my everything… Those are just labels, ideals based on “ME.” Find no-self and the perception will be different.

A change in consciousness is not related with beliefs and intellectual answers.
Those things are meant to change behavior only, to make us believe that “we are transforming ourselves.”

The self, the “I” cannot transform itself. Every action or thought directed towards self-transformation will only follow an ideal, a learned belief.
For change to be “real” it has to be natural. Not manipulated in any way through the beliefs of the “I.”

When we step outside the boundaries of a belief system meant to delimit our consciousness and to keep us safe within the limits of our society’s collective beliefs, at that point we can explore, we could observe and be an active participant of Life.

“But… If I step away from my belief of a God; who will save “me” and protect “me” and take care of “me” in this Life of uncertainties, and in “my” next Life in the future… Who will be there for “me”?

That is not the question that a grown up could ask before leaving his parents’ home to move in a place by himself. That is a question that a kid could ask. The kid looks for that certainty, he calls “protection.”

Who will be there for you?
Freedom.
Freedom from a belief, freedom from ideals, freedom to experience life.

To be free was the dream of the slave. The dream of the one who wanted to express but couldn’t, the dream of the one who wanted to live and not just breathe.

For the one who is caught up with beliefs and ideals, for the one who breathes fear in every inhalation and repression in every exhalation, for that one freedom is meaningful, holy and necessary to enjoy life.
Freedom from the known, is for the one who is ready. It is a waste for the one who is not.

Ending the guilt-blame game

Life is not our adversary. We are Life itself.
If we try to define who “we are,” we will only restrict the beauty of “what is.”

A tree is meaningless without the earth, the sky, the birds; it is all togetherness.
Therefore, if we blame others; we blame ourselves.
What you give out, you will collect.
Some call that “karma,” but it is not. We cannot try to deceive Life through “good actions” when our feelings do not correspond with the “holiness” of our actions.
Therefore, what we give out through our feelings (intention) is what we shall receive.
That is no longer “karma” (action.)

That is how we arrive at the importance of emotions and feelings and perhaps we leave the realm of thinking, analysis and logic as useless tools for inner observation.

They are completely useless.

To acquire intellectual knowledge is good but when we deal with our feelings/emotions, that knowledge is useless. It will take us into lying to ourselves just to fit what we think is “right,” “holy” or “pure.”

Things happen , there are consequences. Whether we feel guilty or not, the consequences will be felt based on the intention.

That is what we call “Life lessons.” Living Life. Live and learn.

“But the fact is that he cheated on me.”
Yes, that is the fact. Observe how you FEEL about that.
FEELING lousy is the way not to forget. A trauma is made. A new distressing emotion built.

Would you keep that poison inside?
Some will. Nothing wrong with that for eventually suffering will make us awake.
Perhaps we may lose some valuable time in that process?
That is known as “paying the price” of the free lesson.

In the “Office world” we play with paper money and give that paper utmost value. In Life, we pay the price through spending our valuable time, our Life.

True “Spirituality” is not learned through books, religions or holy ones. It is learned every day in Life as we become aware of this game of existence, but when we are not aware, we may need the above.

“Spirituality” is living Life itself. There is no difference.
Some may awaken with a gentle whisper. Others, may require cold water to be thrown at their faces to wake up.

The “other” could do that favor to you. The “other” will be the trigger.
Wouldn’t you be grateful of the “other” then? To do that means to change our perspective, our awareness, our consciousness.

Blame and Guilt dissolve by acknowledging the experience of the self -created ghost.
Things do not happen because we want them to happen but rather because they are meant to happen. We are not separated from Life.

Thus, Blame and Guilt exist as deep and unforgettable as we want them. That ghost is our own creation…. just like paper money in the “Office World.”

Does it make sense?

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“I think, therefore I exist” It is just a perception. It is not a fact or ultimate “truth.”
When we are caught up with labels, words, logic and reasoning, we lose the ability to observe without pre-conceptions.

If you observe Nature, you could see a bird grabbing a fish out of the Ocean to eat it. That could be the last trip that fish has to experience something it has never experienced before: To fly and to see the sky.

In the analytical world, the “office world,” we are concerned about “good and bad.” Morality. Actions rather than intention. Something like, the “bird is bad,” the “fish is good.”
Why is the bird “bad”? Because it has killed the fish. Killing is “bad.” Reasonable.
Judgment has been emitted and with that, rejection of “what is.”
“I must change it. I must fight against that. It is unfair.”

Our emotions will arrive according to what we have been taught: “poor fish.”
That scene could be enough to make someone feel sad.
“Life is suffering….” We could say. We generalize that experience and with that definite label of “suffering = Life,” we will experience Life and expect suffering.

The incentive to get away from that perceived suffering is in motion. Religions will exploit that, a system of beliefs will be built, something like: “The fish will go to heaven.”
“God will punish the wrongdoer bird,” etc.

The childish example above could be applied to a more “adult” like scenario.

The point is that our separation from Nature, from Life itself, has created an individual incapable of “pure” observation. All we have left are “value systems” already arranged in our minds as beliefs.

“I am, therefore; I am not.”

If you could understand the above, you could understand what I am trying to explain.
If you cannot, then your education, your knowledge, the information that you have acquired, your beliefs are not allowing you to understand that simple phrase.

“But… that is irrational. You are denying what you affirm.” 🙂
“Please explain logically what you meant…”

If you are in that consciousness, I am afraid that these sharings may only confuse you.

Self-realization:
When the self realizes that there is no-self.
God-realization:
When the self realizes that there is a self greater than him-self.
Self-less:
Being nothing. Therefore, everything.
Selfish:
Being everything. Therefore, nothing.

Does it make sense?
It is not meant to be analyzed. It is not meant to be put into intellectual rigour.
If you recognize the above, it will make sense to you; otherwise it will be labeled as “rubbish.”

Peel every layer of what you have been taught. In the path of a “Life walker,” every experience will take him closer to his destiny. Every belief will only stop him to take a break. It is a matter of time.

As the sage said: “ To grow in Life means to go over the shadow of time, by going beyond our mind, body and heart.”
In the meantime, take the time to smell the roses.

The Good “I” and the Bad “I”: The battle of the century

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Imagine that you find out that “consciousness changes all by itself.”
So what?
For most individuals even though “we” have experienced this in our lives, we are not aware of it, much less of the consequences of this finding.

Have you played with dolls? Have you ever believed in Santa Claus? But then one day… the behavior and the belief were gone all by itself.
Nothing to cry about. No drama.

But here we go into the “adult” world when we better be certain of our beliefs and behaviors for otherwise, we will lose our “prestige” or worse than that, go to hell forever… in the “afterlife.”

A dogmatic, rigid life begins and consciousness is unable to change because ego, the “I” will get a hold of something to believe or cling for self-preservation.

“I have the truth.” “This is the way it is, listen to me. You will be safe if you follow me.”

Can we pinpoint the difference between the un-attached way of a child’s mentality and the clingy, rigid ways of adulthood?
Different consciousness.

For god’s sake, what “method” did we use for that change? 🙂

How was it possible for our thoughts to change from “I wonder if my Gold fish knows who I am? into, Life is suffering and then you die….?”

What method did we use for that?

But yet, we “think” that we can “change our thoughts to change our behavior.”

Caught up in that thought, we have decided to divide our thoughts into “good,” positive thoughts and “bad” negative thoughts…

Wait a minute, I was thinking about eating an avocado.. Is that “good” or a “bad” thought?
That is how “neutral thoughts” were added into the mix.

Here a colorful “spiritual” example:
Are you thinking about sex?
That is bad.
Are you thinking about helping someone?
That is good.
Do no think about sex and think about helping others.
That is the method to be virtuous.

Interestingly enough, If we try not to think about sex, what will happen?
We will think about it.
To deny a particular thought means to preserve it. By denial, we accept it.

Isn’t that paradoxical?
You bet.

That is why self-awareness, to observe, to be a witness, a detached observer, were labels used to express a particular state of consciousness which was located beyond the duality of acceptance through negation.

Many took those labels as the “method” to follow.

It is a not a method. It is a state of consciousness, which cannot be “obtained” by following a human activity, a method; but something that we will stumble upon, something that will happen when the moment is ripe for us.
Consciousness changes all by itself, we could embrace that change or we could deny it to cling to the past, the safe, the old.

We are never the same, but yet all of us are One.
How is that possible?
Because consciousness changes all by itself.
We “are” because we are conscious.

“- But… that is sad that I cannot control my consciousness!”
Who is that “I”?
How is Oneness possible when there is that “I”?
“-But… “I” have free will…”
Did you choose your parents? Your language? The settings of your childhood which determined lots of your experiences later in Life? Did you choose your DNA?

“- So… you are saying that “I” am predestined then…how sad!!

No. I am not saying either way. Just observe at that “I” which is always caught up in duality. That “I” is the victim of destiny, the one who wants to achieve, become “better,” accumulate things and be remembered when death arrives…. Or even better, to believe in a God that will preserve that “I” into a “better” place… Paradise.

The point is not to debate whether Paradise exists or not. That is a pointless belief.

What is important is to observe all the games that the “I” uses to preserve itself.
The “I” who wants to control its thoughts. The “I” who wants to control people. The “I” who wants to control destiny. The “I” who wants to control consciousness.

The “I” who divides itself into the “good I” and the “bad I.” The “I” who wants to conquer the “bad I” by rejecting those things considered “bad” and by supporting those things considered “good.”
Do we see the craziness?

“Spirituality” has offered many methods for centuries to conquer the “bad I.”
“Spirituality” has made the ”do not lead us into temptation” into a way of living, a way of inflicting self-pain for the sake of “obtaining good.”

Beliefs and more beliefs which cannot stand up in front of a experienced human being who is in balance with Life.

Body, mind, spirit, soul are One not many.
Living beings are One not many.
The Universe is One not many. It is the Uni-verse in the poetry of Life.

For some funny reason the “I” keeps separating, dividing, analyzing, finding many… Controlling, pursuing, becoming, fighting, getting, labeling, etc.

Is the problem within thoughts? Is the issue in our actions?

It is in being aware of that “I.” That is all.

Surrender to the adventure

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Shall we live life with worries and thoughts about an “uncertain future”?
Shall we live life with the thought that at every moment someone is taking advantage of us, trying to get something from us, etc.? Shall we live life thinking that someone is watching us just to make sure that we get “punished” for the “wrong doings” of tasting the different flavors that life brings and offers “free of charge”?

Many individuals “think” Yes, we should.

We should worry about the future. We should “control it,” be “careful” and get life insurance for the afterlife as well.
Don’t get in trouble. Don’t make waves. Don’t ask anything from anyone. Mind your own business…
And yet… those individuals live in constant fear.
Fear is their life.

That is when God as the ultimate source of “insurance” came into the game.
Pray to Him.
Ask Him.
Remember Him.
Do something nice to gain His favor. That is, “love” Him.

To open ourselves to the adventure of living life is to discover our own limitations, which are not allowing us to connect with the Totality, with everything.

Discover your own shortcomings. Observe how the sense of “self” is a limit.

As we discover those limits, an automatic openness in our attitude arrives, and we will no longer see life as “harsh” and to try to ”protect ourselves” from a harsh environment.

Do we want to be only around “nice people” ?
Do we want to create our “safety net” of individuals to belong to so the rest could be “safely” rejected?

When the seeker is a “child” in consciousness; that help is required. It is the starting point. God may be needed to feel protected, secure, loved.

If the child ever decides to grow up and open his consciousness to more than “self-absorption” and to learn to adjust, change and balance his life with the rhythms of the Ocean of life itself….
Then that child needs to get out of the safety of his bathtub someday.
The bathtub of beliefs. The bathtub of traditions. The bathtub of duality. The bathtub of ideologies.

To live in balance means to harmonize the physical with subtle energies, to be able to change, adapt and modify according to the song of the day.

That is not a child’s work.

It is that flexibility which will allow someone to wake up everyday and be grateful to the new adventure of the day, which is right before his own 2 feet.

Break that shell of beliefs and come out from it victorious, just to taste the light of the adventure of living life in joy.