“You should be like your brother, a good student, obedient and respectful…”
Parents may not realize it, but comparisons will leave deep scars in the “bad” son. Correcting is one thing, but comparing with another is only showing blunt rejection of a particular individuality. The “bad” son must imitate the “good” one to fit the standard. The unwilling separation (good/bad) made by the parent with his progeny, will bring further issues.
We have learned to imitate to gain acceptance. There is always a “model” to copy and to follow.
We experience consequences when acting. If we are AWARE we will learn from our own actions as well as other people’s activities. However; that does not happen very often, that is why a “role model” is important in our society. We just need to follow, imitate. That “authority” is the IDEAL, the standard. That person could be an athlete, a politician, a religious person… All IDEALS. Their behaviors in turn, must fit expectations of that IDEAL for them to continue as “role models.”
Therefore, imitation is the avenue for “success.” Our personality, our BEING may not fit the IDEAL, but our behavior must fit in. That creates hypocrisy, dishonesty. Our DOING is not the same as our BEING.
In the spiritual world, we have the image of Jesus (or some other realized being) to follow, even though we have never met him. There are expectations of what Jesus should have been like. There is this ideal of a “saint” which is painted in the minds of mainstream society. Society is interested in the IDEAL not in the person behind Jesus.
We are conditioned to imitate an IDEAL.
Tantra is sold to the masses as the IDEAL of blissful sex. What the masses shouldn’t know at all costs, is that sex is a personal experience. What is blissful for you, may not be for someone else. The IDEAL of “bliss” is sold, comparison arrives and a “problem” is created. Thus, someone should sell the “solution” or better yet, the IDEAL of a solution.
Do you know why the IDEAL of a solution is better than a complete “solution” itself?
The IDEAL continuously sells… we are always close to the full solution, but not quite yet. A “solution” once applied and proven cannot longer sell.
Imitation is based on an IDEAL. The IDEAL is something that cannot be reached. That is the appeal of it. The masses strive to get the IDEAL of a “saint,” a “holy man,” but it cannot be reached for the IDEAL is not “real.”
Nevertheless, for many imitators, there is no better “reality” than the IDEAL.
Living through IDEALS, we are unable to let go of the mind.
Living though IDEALS we believe in a world which only exists in our minds.
For instance, the word “Love.” It is an IDEAL. The use of that word in a speech could make us look “good,” “caring,” etc. Love thy neighbor, Love the world, Peace and Love, Love and Light… All pretty IDEALS.
What is “real” cannot be put into words, cannot be defined. Once we understand this deeply, we will not try to find meaning in the words that someone says, but we will go right into the feelings, we will feel someone and what we feel will not be put into words…. But we will know.
Then, Love may have a different meaning. 🙂
To complete the last article, consider this:
“Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.” ( From Batman Begins)
The above is a “spiritual” quote with the teaching to “never give up.” Nevertheless, it is not the complete phrase describing Life.
“Why do we rise, sir? So that we can learn to fall.”
Now, that is the complete experience.
To rise and fall come in the same package. Those are not different things, as we have been conditioned to believe. Being “successful” is only a word that we use to segment our lives. Yes, you can be “successful” at work, in sports, in your family life, at church, and whatever else we may think that we are “successful” at. BUT, that is not the whole package.
What about your health? What about your inner peace? What about your fears? What about your sex life?
Are you “successful” in all those facets at the same time, for as long as you live?
Under the above “reality” the perception of “success” and “failure” will vanish.
Now consider this:
“The true path is to go North. Follow me.” Sounds familiar?
That is incomplete.
However, the sage came a few days later and said: “The true path is to go South. Follow me.”
His followers were baffled. Why is this sage contradicting himself? Logically, there is no “truth” in contradiction! He is not a sage at all!
Which one is the true path? It is North or South? There cannot be both!
The sage gave the full experience: North and South. His followers may need a little de-conditioning to understand that.
If you could walk North all the way on Earth, wouldn’t you end up South?
That is “reality.” However, our minds are conditioned to perceive North and South as 2 different things. The “reality” of their difference is only referential.
Most religious “spirituality” avoid the full experience and embraces only one side of their own creation of duality.
“Do not do this…” This is the “true” path!
What could be the practical lesson out of the above?
Any spiritual path which does not embrace the whole human experience, is only a partial path.
Any religious holy book embracing only one side of a duality, is not the complete path. It is partial. It may have benefits for followers, yes… but it is not complete.
Self-realization is a path of inclusion, completeness; where openness of that which we know as “I,” opens in such a way as to disappear in the immensity of Oneness.
That openness can be labeled as “surrender” ”egolessness” or some other “spiritual” label.
“You” are God, not because you ARE, but because “you” ARE NOT.
“You” are Life, not because you ARE the same as Life, but because “you” ARE NOT.
When “you” ARE, you cannot be anything else. “You” ARE stuck in “you,” so self-absorbed that “you” can only separate from everyone else and Life. The paradox being that that which we think we ARE, we ARE NOT. What you put in words, is not.
Perhaps, this is the main issue with “spirituality “for the masses:
It is so concerned in making believers become something that they ARE NOT instead of supporting the seeking of who they ARE.
When you find who you ARE, you will find all the answers, without asking a question. 🙂
When most “seekers” talk about “duality,” they have no experiential awareness of what they are talking about. They cannot recognize “duality” in their day to day lives. It is just another concept to “talk the talk.” If you wish to understand what is conveyed here, only recognize these words in your daily Life experience.
Duality is the general perception of Life that we have learned in society. It is the starting point of beliefs systems, morality and laws.
” This is right, that is wrong” is duality. “This is good, that is bad,” is also duality.
Any spiritual belief system, any philosophy, any world class guru who explains “his ideas” about what to do and what not to do, is preaching duality… and so, is any God speaking through mediums, holy books or while using words to convey “his” messages.
The most obvious observation is that our language supports duality, so our concepts and understanding will be in duality. Anything written/spoken including this writing, is full of duality, thus look beyond the words to understand.
“Do this, Don’t do that.” “If I were you, I’d practice this.” “This is self-realization, that is not.” Duality.
Life in non-dual. It in ONE.
Do you see the issue?
Life is “Yes and No.” Both at the same time. In practical terms: If we reject something in Life by fully supporting the opposite, we will experience that which we reject. If we support “Yes” and reject “No,” it is certain (money back guarantee) that at some point in our journey, we will support “No.”
“This is good, that is bad” is OK to explain things through the shortcomings of language. It is Ok, to make a point; but if we have invested a deep belief in that by calling it “truth,” we have defined ourselves through that belief, identified through that and since Life changes, that which IS (defined, identified,) will not BE…. Sooner or later.
The complete experience of Life is “Yes and No.”
Life is not interested in conforming with human morality.
Typically, when we observe someone in Life who is not conforming with our beliefs and conditioning, we compare. That is an opportunity to validate our conditioning by judging someone, by rejecting that which they ARE. That is duality.
In Life, while they are experiencing “NO,” the other person is experiencing “YES.” That is all there is.
Non-Duality, embraces both experiences as part of the continuous in Life. There is no hard “line” limiting a “Yes” and a “NO.” There is a subtle process as when day changes into night. Most are unaware and unable to pinpoint when exactly the change has occurred. That has no consequence. What is important is to notice that everything is change and people’s consciousness ARE at different positions of that spectrum. Thus, even though, the labels “good and bad” exist in duality; in another consciousness, everything is “good” as it is, for it will change…. it will not be… 🙂
There is no “spirituality” without sexuality, as there is no beach without Ocean.
There is no better indicator to know “where we are” in the “spiritual” game, than to observe the way we approach sexuality.
Some religions satanize sexuality. They are not concerned on self-knowledge of who we ARE now, but only in the “ideal” of what it “should be” in the future. That gap creates all sorts of insanity.
Sex could be from the ranges of no sex whatsoever, to “a lot” if we are looking at numbers; or from unfulfilling to fulfilling, if we are looking at quality. Anything in between is also part of the human experience. Every person in this planet interprets part of that range of experiences, therefore; where is the “problem”?
The “problem” arrives when we think that we have a “problem,” at that point “solutions” are needed.
To look for “solutions” is part of fulfilling our range of experiences.
Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
Our tendency is to label an experience as good or bad, normal or abnormal; those labels full of duality, are part of playing the “game” in society.
Why sexuality has taken such a great importance for the masses nowadays?
Because it has been repressed for many centuries. Sexuality has been confined through unspoken rules into what is “right and what is wrong.”
Those traumas linger in the human psyche as experiences of many past lives.
Many individuals feel unfulfilled with their sexual lives, thus the “sexual revolution” is marketing “solutions” to improve our sexual fulfillment.
Tantra for the masses is becoming just that, a technique to be learned and practiced to become “better.” That is not Tantra at all, but Spiritual salesmen are “helping” others to achieve great things… And even they pitch about higher consciousness, enhanced awareness, the ability to be in the “now” and of course, … “Enlightenment.” Salesmen know all the “keywords.”
For most individuals, the energy behind sexuality is anger.
Unless a person is ready to go deeper to release that energy, his BEING will be anger and therefore, his sex life will be manifested as anger as well.
This transformation is what Tantra is meant to assist, when the person is ready. The word “ready” doesn’t mean that “I think that I am ready.” It means that this person has gone through the range of experiences already and Life will support that change. Our experiences in Life are not random occurrences but carefully crafted, tailored for our growth.
Sexuality could be a source of frustration and a source of bliss. Sexuality could be a source of degradation and a source of wholesomeness and elevation. That is the range.
Humans keep creating “problems” by making that range dualistic: Frustration is wrong. Bliss is good… without realizing that every experience will change by itself (when the time is appropriate) as to complete the range of experiences.
We were born with certain gifts and certain handicaps; we could understand that. But truly, those are neither gifts nor handicaps but catalysts to experience an ever-dynamic Life.
Sexuality as spirituality, does not start in a Tantra retreat. Tantra is not meant for those who can pay for a class but for those who are “ready.”
Sexuality is “output.” “Input” is what we ARE.
Perhaps most “spiritual gurus” out there will not take this topic into consideration. It is a taboo.
For most individuals, pleasure through the senses is confined through moral standards and preconceptions of what is “good” and proper and what is “bad,” sleazy.
Our senses and the pleasure that they can bring harmonize our existence in the physical plane. Sensuality, sexiness, eroticism, seductiveness, etc. All words relating to sensuality. “Sinful” is the connotation most have in their minds.
Because of ideals of morality and prudishness; the simple enjoyment of our senses is limited and even avoided.
Out of all the pleasures that man could enjoy, to eat is considered “good” by most cultures.
As other senses are included, restrictions will arise. Pleasure becomes a mental task limited by imaginary lines. Fulfilment is not experienced through these self-imposed limits which appear through our conditioning.
What is the result?
A human who is incapable to relax, to enjoy. Deep enjoyment is deep relaxation.
Our society has been conditioned to accept that to endure pain and suffering is a way to show “spiritual maturity.” Pleasure on the other hand, which is the other side of that duality; is dismissed or secretly embraced.
Sex is one of those pleasures which humans have looked for ways to control, deny or splurge on in the name of “spirituality.”
The acknowledgement of sensuality starts in little things: walking in grass barefooted, taking the time to smell the fragrances of flowers, swimming in the Ocean unencumbered of thoughts, taking sunshine and becoming aware of the Sun’s rays caressing your body, etc.
When pleasure takes effect, an automatic relaxation will be felt as our breathing slows down rhythmically: We have surrendered to that experience. The moment will cease to be when pleasure transforms into uncomfort, even pain. That is the natural course of this duality.
Nevertheless, for most; it is the mind and thoughts which will end the experience in a premature way; thus there will be unfulfillment.
This continuous state of unfulfillment craves for more pleasure to counter pain/sadness/anguish/anxiety therefore, addiction sets in.
An addicted individual will end up hurting himself. That is why our moral standards, our prudishness is there as protection, but the emotion of guilt is the outcome.
The culprit is not pleasure or sensuality. The issue is our constant thoughts who will not allow us to enjoy. Thus, “(I can get no) satisfaction…” 🙂
Therefore, many “new age” spirituality concerned with “freedom” of expressing ourselves and sending the message to the masses to “liberate themselves” through the experience of sensuality; are missing a very important point: When there is mind, there cannot be fulfillment. Without fulfillment, there is no joy. Thus, inner awareness of our mind, beliefs and traumas is the first step, without it there is exhausting debauchery.
Sensuality starts when the mind ends. That state of “spirituality” hasn’t been experienced by many.
In our society we have been taught to be somebody. What is that? Everyone who has lived in society knows. There are other magical words that we could use to say the same thing: “successful, a winner, an achiever, the best, number 1.”
Have you noticed that the skills/ talents chosen to fit the job description are arbitrary?
Everyone has a particular skill which they exceed at. If that skill is regarded as “worthwhile” by our society, then you made it!
The same phenomena happen in the “spiritual” realm. To be somebody means to be an angel, a saint, a guru, close to God, to have blissful experiences, etc. You will be known as somebody for those “talents.”
Thus, what will be the teachings that any society will impart?
To become that, to achieve that, to have that as a Life objective, as a purpose. Do you buy it?
Your parents, teachers, friends, TV, etc. will communicate consciously or unconsciously the idea and value of becoming someone in Life.
Because the mind needs the opposite to “understand” and function in duality, the idea and fear of being “nobody” will arise.
A conditioned human being will only move between those dualities.
To be aware means to perceive the conditioning without denial or rejection, for this very rejection perpetuates duality.
What is the practical use of the above explanation?
It depends how deep down the rabbit hole you get. For a sample, how about this?
In the reality of Life, any opposites are the same.
In the reality of the conditioned mind, opposites exist as different.
One more “secret.” This is the only theoretical knowledge you will ever need in Life.
How does it work?
Isn’t Life the opposite of Death?
No.They are the same.
Wait a minute….If they are the same why don’t you kill yourself?
Why should I kill myself if Life and Death are the same? 🙂 You are caught up with words, not with the reality of Life.
I know, misunderstanding will appear when things are not easy to digest.
You are alive. It is certain that death will appear. It is just a matter of time.
What is time?
The opportunity for change, the process. Life is a process.
Is Death the end?
Certainly not. For if Death is the end, Life should be the end too. There is continuous change.
Humans spend their little time trying to control things. Humans want to control Life and reject Death. Humans do not realize that to live in Summertime for ever is impossible when there is change. Summer happens automatically. It has a process, its own time. Humans spend their Lives remembering the past and not allowing for the new Summertime to arrive.
Therefore, Who are you in this constant change?
Nothing. For nothing remains the same. You are change itself.
So… what is change?
See how nothing is actually everything?
Where is the confusion?
In the words we use. Step outside of them, and the rainbow cannot have 7 different colors…
One more thing, the above is deep but we can only see as deep as we can see, so it is shallow at the same time. 🙂
The paradox of the human race is that in order to have an organized, predictive lifestyle; a society was embraced.
That same society, is the origin of the human frustration and search for freedom.
This freedom is not the childish “freedom” of a nation over another. This freedom is a deep calling for expression, the liberation of the “hell” given by the “others”.
The establishment of a society ruled by the mind and reason, originated the denial of the animal side of a human being. That denial has produced all sorts of repressions, emotional traumas and mental diseases.
Society regulates, prohibits, punishes. Interestingly; God does the same thing, in mainstream religion. “In God we trust”.
Although the Universe is unity; most humans can only perceive separation. “Things” are separated and have no relationship. “Things” are by themselves. In that consciousness, “choosing” becomes the word to worship. It is the word that brings the illusion of freedom.
To live in society is about choice. There are many things to choose from. We will choose according to what is “good for me” according to our conditioning. It is that vision which is not inclusive of the Totality the one bringing undesired consequences. For most humans, it is “survival of the fittest”.
Human beings ruled by this impression, are unable to relax and enjoy Life. To achieve something, to beat someone else, to win whatever, becomes important. Perplexingly enough, these individuals like to talk about “getting” love, peace and happiness.
“This is bad” that is “good”. Do what is good. Reject what is bad.
Those are the holy words, the great teaching of society through moralists and “holy” men.
Nevertheless, what is “bad” is typically the “animal side.” The rejection of this side makes hypocrites: They themselves are unable to follow what they preach. It is a continuous battle inside.
The morality of most humans is concerned in becoming “angels and deities” by rejecting their animal side. They are not concerned in being fully humans now, but always about the future, in becoming something through rejection of their own realities.
That is why, to embrace all energies by integrating them rather than choosing through dualistic standards, becomes the “new” paradigm to fully acknowledge ourselves and transcend duality. The idealist perceptions and mental ideas are dissolved through the reality of feelings. A genuine feeling of self-acceptance, which builds the ground for inner understanding.
An animal does not know to be an animal. Just like a toddler. He is not concerned in such “knowledge”. Once we become aware of that “knowledge” problems will start because, we will reject according to our conditioning.
Is knowledge evil?
Neither good nor evil. It is part of what we are and needed to live in society. It is the difference between a full animal and humans. We are AWARE of our animal side. Animals may not be aware of this. Throughout history, we have chosen to reject that animal side and label it as “devilish, lower, ugly, bad,” etc.
Now, is the time to acknowledge it, to integrate it, to value it… to feel wholesome and human… again. This is Tantra.
Not everyone is ready for this, for before accepting the animal side; we need to fully reject it. We are talking about many Life times of experiences. This is the full range of experiences of humans… from “Yoga to Tantra.”
That is why Tantra, is not for everyone… but for those who are ready. 🙂