Tagged: awarenes

De-conditioning in Sexuality

As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.

I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences:  I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.

In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”

Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.

Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.

Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.

That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.

Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”

In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.

Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.

As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.

We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.

Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards.  Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.

As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.

Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.

Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.”  🙂

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Transcending duality

The paradox of the human race is that in order to have an organized, predictive lifestyle; a society was embraced.
That same society, is the origin of the human frustration and search for freedom.

This freedom is not the childish “freedom” of a nation over another. This freedom is a deep calling for expression, the liberation of the “hell” given by the “others”.

The establishment of a society ruled by the mind and reason, originated the denial of the animal side of a human being. That denial has produced all sorts of repressions, emotional traumas and mental diseases.

Society regulates, prohibits, punishes. Interestingly; God does the same thing, in mainstream religion. “In God we trust”.

Although the Universe is unity; most humans can only perceive separation. “Things” are separated and have no relationship. “Things” are by themselves. In that consciousness, “choosing” becomes the word to worship. It is the word that brings the illusion of freedom.

To live in society is about choice. There are many things to choose from. We will choose according to what is “good for me” according to our conditioning. It is that vision which is not inclusive of the Totality the one bringing undesired consequences. For most humans, it is “survival of the fittest”.

Human beings ruled by this impression, are unable to relax and enjoy Life. To achieve something, to beat someone else, to win whatever, becomes important. Perplexingly enough, these individuals like to talk about “getting” love, peace and happiness.
“This is bad” that is “good”. Do what is good. Reject what is bad.
Those are the holy words, the great teaching of society through moralists and “holy” men.

Nevertheless, what is “bad” is typically the “animal side.” The rejection of this side makes hypocrites: They themselves are unable to follow what they preach. It is a continuous battle inside.
The morality of most humans is concerned in becoming “angels and deities” by rejecting their animal side. They are not concerned in being fully humans now, but always about the future, in becoming something through rejection of their own realities.

That is why, to embrace all energies by integrating them rather than choosing through dualistic standards, becomes the “new” paradigm to fully acknowledge ourselves and transcend duality. The idealist perceptions and mental ideas are dissolved through the reality of feelings. A genuine feeling of self-acceptance, which builds the ground for inner understanding.

An animal does not know to be an animal. Just like a toddler. He is not concerned in such “knowledge”. Once we become aware of that “knowledge” problems will start because, we will reject according to our conditioning.

Is knowledge evil?
Neither good nor evil. It is part of what we are and needed to live in society. It is the difference between a full animal and humans. We are AWARE of our animal side. Animals may not be aware of this. Throughout history, we have chosen to reject that animal side and label it as “devilish, lower, ugly, bad,” etc.
Now, is the time to acknowledge it, to integrate it, to value it… to feel wholesome and human… again. This is Tantra.

Not everyone is ready for this, for before accepting the animal side; we need to fully reject it. We are talking about many Life times of experiences. This is the full range of experiences of humans… from “Yoga to Tantra.”

That is why Tantra, is not for everyone… but for those who are ready.  🙂

Grief and transformation of emotions

What do you feel when a loved one dies?
What do you feel when you experience a broken heart?
What would you experience if you are told that you only have a month to live?

Most of us will perceive those experiences as a hardship, something that shouldn’t happen to us, but yet it does.

Psychologists have come up with stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Observe in yourself how grief transforms into anger and how that in turn will transform into sadness, depression and finally into acceptance.

Nevertheless, for most that final stage of acceptance is not “true” acceptance. It is more accurate to call it to be submissive.
The angry tiger becomes a docile kitty cat.
We could fight, struggle with anyone except with Life itself.
Observe how the experience of opposite emotions will be going through the experience of the “cycle” of grief: I could deny, just to accept. I could feel anger, just to be submissive. I could bargain with the higher powers to be, rationalizing the incident; just to be depressed.

Acceptance is not submissiveness.
Acceptance is openness to the experience.

When you are a “Life walker,” a seeker; you may find out that those 5 stages of grief are not accurate in your case.
There is one important stage, which will return a true smile in our faces.
That final stage is called GRATITUDE.

Gratitude is not say “Thank you” as many think. Gratitude means to be able to be fulfilled in yourself. Nothing is lacking. You are at ease and able to live with you.
“You” are Life itself, complete. Nevertheless, most “normal” people cannot experience that yet. For them gratitude is just another “spiritual keyword,” a nice way to say “thank you,” with the mind.

If a loved one passes away, your stage of grief will be fully transformed through “spiritual alchemy,” when there is a sense of gratitude in you. A loved one is gone into another journey. You are not lacking. That sense of grief was shown to you through that event. You are grief. Nothing wrong with that. However, you can transform it, that is; use the same energy to come up with something else: Acceptance, Gratitude.

When we are not aware of transformation of energies, we will only repress them to try to act tough, quasi-spiritual, disconnected, disinterested, etc.

Many individuals will experience grief, express it and keep it for as long as they can. They thrive in getting pity from others. It is a way for them to feel important as people may finally notice them. Others, may reject grief as they have been conditioned to believe that they have to show a happy face all the time.
Very few will transform it, and yet even fewer; will feel GRATITUDE out of that experience. Ultimately, there is FREEDOM in GRATITUDE.

A trauma or fear of Life comes when we have not reached a state of true acceptance, when we are continuously struggling with Life.
Our conditioning that we should fight for everything may work in the “office world,” but it will never work with Life.

The mind is our inner TV. It has so many images. Most times we believe in those images as “real” and add our own expectations, our own story of how life should be for “me.” When a setback is felt and grief comes in the horizon, that TV show will be the same repeat which in turn will bring more suffering to the ego, the “I.”
Why is that suffering?
Because my expectation of what Life should be for “me” does not fit reality. Ego cannot accept that. The repetition of the images is there so we don’t forget. It is a nagging reminder.
Anger, denial, etc. are expressions of the fighting ego.

EGO cannot have GRATITUDE, for ego always wants something else. Ego is in a state of lacking fulfillment.
That is why it is said that “time heals.” For the ego will look for something else in time to cover the previous trauma.

Self-observation is an invaluable tool for self-knowledge. For that to happen, we need to allow ourselves to feel the full range of an emotional experience. Life is always teaching us, showing us, who we truly are.

Until December 1st! Enjoy Life.  🙂