When our minds are set up to only see the “fruit,” the “outcome,” the “end result,” the “achieved goal,” then it truly matters how much strength we use to put the “ball in motion.”
It is not by becoming the squeaky wheel, how things could get accomplished; but there is a “form” to “make things happen.”
That “form” comes with experience. It comes when there is consciousness of our own activities well beyond the pursue of the “end goal.” It comes when there is the understanding that the “means” we use is what will take us to a goal without sending an egotistical message to the world.
A change does not come about by pushing things. Any sort of violence to get into some change, means that the goal is more important than the means, however; the goal is merely an instant, which will change into something else… as soon as accomplished.
Nothing remains the same… not even our expectations!
Mary Anne is learning how to dance “salsa.” She has been taking “salsa” lessons for 5 months now. She is dedicated. She wants to learn how to dance but…. Her mind gets “blank,” she says. She forgets the steps. When you see her dancing, there is no sense of rhythm in her steps. There is no joy in her dancing. For her it is all about remembering the steps. Dance is no longer about enjoying a good time, but it is the pressure to achieve something.
Mary Anne is not taking lessons because of her desire to learn how to dance. She is there because her boyfriend, Enrique is a “great” salsa dancer. Enrique is a perfectionist. Enrique wants to see Mary Anne converted into an outstanding “salsa” dancer… after all, Enrique is the “greatest dancer.” 🙂
Mary Anne is in love with Enrique, but she does not love herself. Enrique is only in love with himself. Mary Anne is viewed as an extension of him.
In life, we could act like Mary Anne. We could “sacrifice” ourselves to do different things because we love someone. That could be the guy/girl next door or even God, nevertheless; whatever we attempt to do for “him/her” will not have zest, life unless we feel that we are doing that for ourselves, that we want that for ourselves… and in life, to discover that honesty is what sometimes takes time. That is why to do something out of love cannot happen when there is “two” different individuals, but “one.” Ego gets in the way of that oneness.
This wanting for “ourselves” is not a mental thing or an ideal. It is to discover our circumstances at a particular point in time, embrace that and move forward. To discover “ourselves” is the first step to uncover it. We cannot pretend here.
In life, we may act like Enrique as well. Our life is meant to support our ego. Everyone else should support our egotistical ways. We use people and abuse them. People are just the means to our goal.
Mary Anne pretends not to be egoless. Enrique does not pretend, but at the end and in both cases, is just ego in between them.
Mary Anne may be a great dancer. She may have a great potential, but under the circumstances that she is in, Mary Anne will not be able to learn to dance “salsa.” As a matter of fact, if she does; she will not enjoy it.
Enrique puts in motion the “ball of expectation” with such strength, that it could only bounce back into his face.
If Enrique pursues his egotistical ways, Mary Anne could hate “salsa” altogether… Her “love” for him will turn little by little into hate…
Once the ball of expectation is set in motion, we need to wait and see. Take a look. Observe. That is how we could recognize the damage of that ball when set in motion.
The above is the issue with expectations. It is not just about our desires, but how those are perceived by others around us. Once the ball gets moving ….there is no way to stop it.