Please help. Dear Soul, My journey started with BK in 2011, when it became necessary to control my anger. It led me to understand , explore the concepts of ego , attachment etc. that how attachment is the source of fear –ego-anger and other harmful emotions. I have rejected a life full of ego and thereby expected that if I am able to let go of that particular thing , i will always be happy (again ego). It did help me. But now I realise that even life full of egolessness brings fear in me as now I am scared of it coming back. Even my journey started with “fear” of not to be angry. Then how can I expect stability? Selecting self improvement over un improvement has brought me to the same point i.e. what I was before. As now after reading the gita and exploring more about non duality, I have come to a point in life which says non-duality is answer to everything. That means if i get angry, it is fine?? Even I find Ashtawakra Geetha very self contradictory. Here King Janaka feels the exalted state of non-duality and bliss AFTER being self realised, then how can I expect the same before achieving that state? Even rejecting the concept of DUALITY is duality itself! I know the question is repetitive in nature, but it is troubling me day in and day out. What should be my course of action or non-action. I am confused and angry.
I appreciate the sincerity of your question. The answer of your question will have the utmost sincerity and care as well. Below is just my appreciation based on my experience in the Spiritual path. It is not meant to be “the holy truth.” 🙂
You are finding that by “rejecting” a life full of ego; you have arrived at the same place.
Even though it is explained to “accept” everything; the “real” meaning of accepting is not the opposite of “rejecting” for that will be duality.
Accepting in Spirituality means to acknowledge that it is there. Because we acknowledge its presence, we observe. When we observe, we learn about that which we observe.
That is all. Then, changes will come automatically, if our observation has sincerity; that is “i am not making up stuff to look good.”
There is fear, because you have rejected.
In Spirituality, there are “stages” of upbringing someone.
Sakar Murlis are excellent for the child stage of Spirituality. To be able to let our Unlimited Dad to tell us what to do becomes important, for we are in a stage of confusion. A state of being “normal,” like everyone else in the world. When you become a BK, you accpet that stage of childhood. Without accepting that, there is no way to become aware, awaken for a soul who has been around the cycle for such a long time. A “normal” person may think that “he knows better” but he can only see through the veil of his own unrecognized vices.
Baba (in SM) usually teaches through rejection. Reject Maya. Reject the vices. That teaching is good at that time of childhood, because it will allow us to develop our will power (which is almost none when we indulge in the senses) to overcome “temptations;” BUT, we have not learned to be the masters of the self yet. We are merely escaping from temptations, closing doors; etc. We think that we are “passing” tests, when we are merely escaping.
Avyakt Murlis, on the other hand, will teach the child into becoming more independent. The almighty Dad, is busy teaching other little children and would like you to grow up, and if you have reached the stage of maturity to be an “adolescent” in Spirituality; you will learn that Maya is a “teacher.” Therefore, there is no need to “reject” her but to be aware of “her,” to observe “her.” These are the vices.
Because you have not rejected, you cannot be afraid of that thing coming back again. Please see this.
The Ashtavakra Gita is a teaching for mature audiences only 🙂 that is, Spiritually speaking you need to be at a level of an adult who has gone through the previous levels. Here, the “I” is the main issue. To dissolve the “I” is the task. Please do not jump into Ego, when you are still working on anger.
Here is the ladder:
1) Sex lust – Anger
All vices are really Ego, but we can take a look at certain aspects of it when we make this convenient division.
You mentioned that you are getting confused by that scripture. That means that you are not ready for it yet. See if you have no skipped your child stage. If you have…please go back.
The Ashtavakra Gita is not self contradictory. Please read chapter 3 and chapter 8 again.
Janaka felt the bliss of being but had not fully attained that.
Therefore in chapter 3, Ashtavakra is delighted with King Janaka’s experiences but sees inconsistencies.
Even though Janaka has realizations, still the “I” is lingering and have not been dissolved.
In Chapter 8, still hearing too much “I” in Janaka’s language, Ashtavakra will explain to him the subtleties of attachment and bondage.
It is in chapter 20 when Janaka burns the last part of being a “person” and then, he mentions: “No more can be said.”
The more you talk about it, the less you know of it. That is the experience which cannot be described in words.
Intellectually, you have recognized that non-duality is the answer of everything. Then embrace all. That means go beyond duality.
If you feel angry, don’t even think if that is OK or not, because that is duality. Just observe it, become fully aware of it; from the moment that it appears .. and then do the yukti of counting to 108 before doing anything. In the meantime, breathe in and out… if your breathing is relaxed and you are aware of it; you cannot get angry. You get angry only when you are not aware of your breathing. Why? because you can only think of one thing at the time. Being aware of your breathing will help you to become aware of the self.
If anger is the main issue, please be aware of the importance of your diet. Nothing spicy or hot. Satvvic diet.
Finally the “Don’ts:”
Don’t take anything seriously (even this response) and don’t expect anything from anyone.
Enjoy your path, the ups and downs are part of it…