Question: The person who is “right” for us.

Question: “How to know whether a person is right for us? Does attraction on a physical or mental level has anything to do in a relationship like marriage (presence or lack of it)?”

Thank you for your question.
The meaning of “right for me” will change for every individual.

 We are unwilling to acknowledge what Life brings, but rather, have an ideal in our minds (conditioning) that we want for Life to match.
Remember, you may feel attracted to someone, but Life has presented that person in your path, it is not that “you found him/her.”  Consider this: You may not feel attracted to a person, but that may be the only option Life has brought to you. You may want a person but he/she may not be interested in you, because “you are not right for him/her.”  Then what?

Life will bring potential partners in your Life according to what you ARE and what you need to experience in your journey. Life does not work on human terms such as : “this is right or this is wrong.” All experiences are needed, part of the “resume.”

Attraction is very important at different levels. Attraction has an ample meaning. Without it, love in a couple is like the love a brother has for a sister. There is no fire…. no fireworks.

Does it sound anti-spiritual?
That is because we have been conditioned to deny Dyonisus for the sake of choosing Apollo.

Religions call that, “to choose our good side and to deny our bad side.”
You may choose a man/woman because he/she is nice. “A church going person who fears God;” but there may not be sexual attraction, there is no passion. Or you can choose a “fatal attraction” which may be a high for sometime, but eventually feelings will get hurt and that will kill the passion and the fire will be extinguished in deep resentment.

At some level, we are attracted to that which we repress in ourselves. The striper girl or the “bad ass dude” are attractive to many. Do you see why?
That “choice” of Apollo over Dyonisus is killing our zest for Life. The wild side that everyone has underneath needs to be liberated, acknowledged and be One with the rational, calm, “spiritual” Apollo.
Dyonisius must be One with Apollo. That is a spiritual person. That person has integrated into oneness rather than the infantile denial and repression of our passionate side.

Are you a “right person”?:-)

Most people are looking for a “complete package” to “buy.” They want looks, body, personality, sexual chemistry, mental stimulation through someone…that list is not enough for some, for financial independence, status,and power could be the “main attraction.”

As you can see, it is not simple for the mind to figure a formula, a paragraph with all the answers. Add to that the fact that “you” may find the “right partner,” but it is not the “right timing” due to some circumstance affecting your Life. See?

In a sentence: It comes down to your feelings.

Are you willing to live with such person? Not because of a “reason,” but because you feel deeply. Not as a need, but as the openness to experience sharing yourself with another.
Not as an escape from yourself, but as the opportunity to know yourself into a deeper level. Not as a social pressure to “get married” but, to experience partnership in the journey of Life. Nothing lasts forever, and so the “right person” may not be after awhile. Life is change. Are you willing to experience that?

Man and woman are 2 opposite electrical poles yearning for completion. That completion is to complement each other. The “right” electrical charge that you will encounter in Life to complement you, will only match your own potential.

“Your” choice is not important

Many will frown at this statement with disapproval.
The conditioning is that “I have a choice and that choice matters.”
The “I” does not feel good without full control. The “I” realizes that many times “his” choice does not happen or it may bring suffering. The righteousness of the “I” based on some borrowed morality does not fit the intelligence of Life itself.

Plan all you want. Nothing wrong with that. Be assured that you could go tomorrow to “thy kingdom come.” That lack of control, of certainty bothers the “I” tremendously.
Yes, you could be “successful,” yes, you could have power, money and things which the “Office world” readily provides to those who have followed society’s conditioning. Nothing wrong with that.

On the other hand, can you be “successful” in being healthy throughout your life? Can you buy your own health? Can you be accident free through some insurance?

In the middle of your “moment of power,” you could have earned a one way free ticket to the “unknown.” All your choices, gone at that moment. Yes, you could believe that your “choices” were helpful to “others,” but that is not necessarily true. Your help to someone may be a disservice to another. Your “help” to a wounded eagle, may be the loss of one of your eyes. 

The mind and is petty morality is in trouble as “I” could add more intricacies of Life that the mind is not prepared to confront. It is better if someone tells you: “This is good, that is bad.” Then if you follow, at least you feel that you are not alone.

Here is something to “think” about: “Your” choice will bring “you” your guilt. Choice is of the mind. Therefore, embrace “no-choice.”:-)

Let me explain:
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” A famous spiritual quote by someone.
Is that a choice? If you choose to “practice” that; you will never know what that phrase means.

On the other hand, if you do not make a choice to practice, then through Life experiences you will know, if you are aware of it.
As a matter of fact, that catchy phrase could be:
“Life begins when there is no comfort zone.”
Your thought out choice whether to go “right or left”  is a comfort zone.

Of course, the above is not for everyone. After all some have plans and dreams and things to DO in Life before moving on to heaven…
Better “practice” spirituality safely when you have the time out of your busy schedule, get a nice white/black dress and put some feely music in the background, light up some incense and talk about the latest “best seller” spiritual book by some Guru…

Yeah.. that is a comfortable “spiritual” choice.

Question: Choosing a career

“I would appreciate if you could share some insights with regards to choosing a vocation or how to earn one’s livelihood. Though you don’t entertain personal questions ,will share my personal situation to give you a context.
I am a 32 year old working in the Indian IT industry for 7 years,have done my engineering and MBA degrees but somehow of late “office work” just doesn’t stimulate me.This has been happening for 2-3 years,almost feel repelled regularly.Though its a state of mind and it goes away and its fine for few days but then it again keeps returning regularly.Just sitting in front of a computer whole day is just too much to take for me at times.I understand we all go through different emotions always but this desire to break out of this keeps coming back.But the irony is I have no idea what I want to do instead.If I get some free time I kind of distract myself but not work sincerely enough on finding about what truly I desire and work towards it,lack the discipline to do it consistently.Somewhere feel I am not following my ‘ highest joy’…don’t know if that’s possible even.
Not sure if my question made much sense and is different from the regular spiritual/philosophical thing, but if you are able to relate to it please do share your experience.”

Thank you for your question. Your question may fit the situation of many and I have experienced something similar, thus; I will answer it.

The question you ask is not easy to respond if you are looking at it from a conditioned perspective that is the “mass” belief.  If your perspective is driven by “your instincts,” “your gut feeling,” “your intuition,”  etc.  Your question  does not need to be answered as you know the answer.

Therefore, that is your “choice” at this point, but that can change in the future. Let me explain:

Like you, at one point in my career I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in the “office world,” even though the pay and the “status” were pretty good. I decided to look for another well-paying job in the IT industry. But Life had a different plan for “me.” I was let go.  I wasn’t able to find a job to match “my standards” even though I tried pretty hard.

Thus I lived with my savings for the next 4 years. I found work as a “swimming pool cleaner” to supplement my savings as I live in Florida- USA.
If we believe in the idea of security and “social status” that the mind has bought into; my experience could be traumatic. It was at the time. Now, I see something entirely different.

Why did pool cleaning interested me?    That was the time to experience “ Do what you love to do.” I love physical work/exercise outdoors. I wanted to walk barefooted in the grass and get plenty of sunshine, be in the water and feel the weather’s change in my skin. Also, I was mysteriously attracted to the blue color of a swimming pool.  From that, I went into bodywork full time, and learned about energy work, the art of relaxation and the power of touch.  My days in the IT industry seemed over, but… I am back in the IT industry with a job similar to the one I was let go, 12 years ago… but now as a “different person.”

What I AM “now” is the sum of that journey. If I am to think about retirement funds, the house, the luxury vehicle “I lost” during that time, what I experienced may have no meaning.  It was about the “spiritual journey” into BEING someone different, for that I needed to let go of the conditioning by experiencing my fears.

Life is just full of experiences which we may label as surprises, good luck, bad day, punishment from God, being born under a lucky star, etc.
We get caught up with labels, but those are completely meaningless in the “bigger picture.”

Life is playing a song for you. You could stress yourself by trying to guess which is the next note that will be played in the song and “make the right decision;” or you could just be open to the tune as it develops. At the end of the day, a song is a song whether you spend your time trying to guess the next note “standing by the wall” or whether you just flow with the tune and “get down on it.”  What is the difference then?

Your state of BEING. 

If you don’t know what you want to do, you will find out. Things that you may not even consider when you have the safety of your current job, may be potential candidates.

 You may “choose” now, but Life may have other plans for you, later on; therefore, here is my 10 cents sharing of my experience:

“Your choice” is not important. Go left or go right…It is not about that. Just “get down on it” to whatever tune Life is playing. You can dance.

Expression in Life is not a matter of “choice.”  :-)

Doing the “right” thing

Most “spiritual” and “morally correct” individuals, are concerned about this: “Doing the right thing in Life.”
A veil of sainthood, righteousness is coveted by the “I.”

There are many “rewards” (Just like a credit card reward point system) associated with DOING a morally accepted script, allowed by society, religions, nations, fraternities, schools… all of those institutions which are regimenting/conditioning (also known as teaching/educating or preparing ) the individual.

As we are “right now,” there are many scripts in our minds deciding what “a right action” is.

A young person may want to “DO” the right thing in choosing a career. That same man, may want to “DO the right thing” as he fathered a child out of wedlock. Later, he may want to “Do the right thing” while deciding whether to put his ill father, permanently in a hospice.

The phrase to “Do the right thing” has many meanings according to time, circumstances, beliefs, traditions.

Definitely, to “Do the right thing” is merely a cover, for we cannot know the ramifications, the extent of our DOING.
Carl paid for his son to go to the “best University,” even though his son did not want to go. Carl thought that he was DOING “the right thing,” for the welfare of his son.
His son was killed in a car accident, on his way to a class.
Of course; guilt surrounded Carl, for the rest of his Life.
What is the “teaching” in that story?
In the Western society, everything has to have a “moral” teaching, something the mind can apprehend so “I don’t do it again and I can teach others.”
Fear creeps in.

In Life, there is no teaching but a mirror.  That experience of “losing” a son, will be colored with Carl’s conditioning. It is that conditioning the one that will come out.
But Carl is too “busy” with his guilt to realize about his beliefs.

If we were just aware of all the conditioning going on in our minds!

We may try to figure out Life, to get ahead, to be clever in Life; but the “I” does not make Life by himself.
The spider web of associations and timely interactions are out of the reach of the clever “I” but yet; “I” believe that “I” can “control” my destiny, by DOING “the right things.”  I can use the support of the “law of karma” to spread “righteousness” around me. (If I “do this right,” then through karma, something right will occur to me.)

The only issue is that “righteousness” hasn’t been defined.

What is to “be right”?
Life is not concerned about our trivial morality. Life is beyond moral standards.
Was Carl “right or wrong”?

We will not able to understand Life until we clean ourselves up from all those concepts, moral precepts, traditions and beliefs clouding our awareness.

It is not a matter of rejection.

If we have our hands dirty and wash them, it is not out of rejection of dirt.
But unless we “unlearn” with the same attitude as when we wash our hands, we will be rejecting society, religions, schools, etc. as radicals and unfit members.

The path of Awakening may take someone through that route, however; we may learn that it is not the destination, but only a side scene.:-)


What is the mind and no-mind?

When we become aware of our inner state, we start understanding “what makes it tick.” If we want to communicate those findings to another, then a particular language is invented to describe the experiences.

Those listening or reading the explanations but without the experience, will be caught up with just the words.

For instance, if a religion talks about “being soul conscious,” immediately there is a misunderstanding from those without the experience. Then, those individuals want to “achieve soul consciousness,” they want to “work on it,” etc. That only shows their conditioning.

If Ahnanda mentions “No-I,” it is the same as the Buddhist “emptiness,” and the same as “soul conscious.”

Readers caught up with words but unable to look at their inner experience, will try to intellectually understand what “no-I” is.
You cannot. For “I” am denying that which you think you are.

Thus, another word that may convey a similar experience is “no-mind.”

However, the question now becomes: “What is the mind?”
Here some “definitions:”
1) The mind is a set of cognitive faculties including consciousness, perception, thinking, judgement, and memory.
2) The element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think, and to feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought.
3) In common parlance, ‘the mind’ most often refers to the seat of human consciousness, the thinking-feeling ‘I’ that seems to be an agentic causal force that is somehow related but is also seemingly separable from the body.

Those definitions are only pointers to know that we are talking about a “table” and not an “apple.” Unless you look at your own table, you will not know ‘table.’

Your emotions, your conditioning, your traumas, your expectations, your taboos, your beliefs all of that is the mind.
All of that will give you a unique identity which is different than anyone else.

Therefore, unlearning, healing, dissolving, surrendering that mind… all of those “spiritual key words,” mean the same thing, or rather:  It “is pointing to the same experience.”

When we use the mind, we are caught up with dictionary definitions, concepts, methods, analysis. We wish to understand our mind by using those things. That will not happen.

As the mind surrenders, there is “no-mind.” As there is openness, there is integration with all that is.

Call that soul consciousness, call that emptiness, call that no-mind, no-I, call that oneness, call that God…
Labels and more labels.
Some readers love a particular label used by a Spiritual Guru. If another uses a different label, then that becomes “false” for them. The mind entertains in those debates, meaningless “theory.”

You will know that the mind is going away, when enjoyment of Life arrives, you become relax, you will “go with the flow”… until then, relentless pursue your dreams, stress yourself out, strive to make “a difference,” be “number 1,” experience  the accomplishments taking you nowhere, experience the “hamster wheel” of the mind…

Once the mind is tired, frustrated, it gives up… then you can finally sit down and observe… You will understand without trying to.:-)

The “office world” does not teach that.


Letting go of fear – Reader comments

“I have been asking myself questions and it helped me to come out of some fixed opinions / beliefs that i had in the past. Initially, the fear of what people would say was there, and then I told myself that i can handle the situation.:-)

What i remembered from your writings was – to let go off the beliefs and traditions when they are not suitable/ logical any more. i did not want to hurt people around me simply because i believed in a particular system and did not want to go against that. 

Regarding ‘not accepting’ and checking whether we have ‘not rejected’ something…. They (the psychologists) say that one should give only a positive command and not a negative one. If we tell the mind ‘not to reject’, it will try to ‘reject’ the idea as for some reason, the “no, not” etc. do not get registered in the mind…”

Thank you for your comments.
You have identified 3 key things in your comments, that may help many readers to identify and face their own fears.

1) Any fixed opinion or belief will define us. That definition is a picture that we hold onto. Life is a movie.
Most individuals may hold onto a picture of you. That is what the mind likes to do.  If you change, that will be uncomfortable for them to identify you, label you, classify you. Fear arrives when we have greater value of what  others think than what we feel about ourselves.

2) To let go off beliefs and traditions is to “un-define” yourself. There are times when to follow a belief or a tradition will be desirable. Other times, it may not be. Those beliefs could be detrimental to our well being. It is important to acknowledge our change, what we feel and at the same time, to observe timing and circumstances. We are not alone, but if what we “think” we are/should be, is not allowing us to feel happy, then allow yourself the freedom to change.  Let go off your own definition. Our fear is to change but to remain a victim, a “martyr” is to embrace self-pain. We may need to ask ourselves if we are masochists or if we believe that being a “martyr” will get us some desirable status, prize, reward “in the future,” in the “after life.”  The later, is definitely a way to pamper our “I.”

3)Who is giving the command to the mind? Isn’t that the “I”? Isn’t the “I”… mind?
That is the trick to observe.
When the mind knows about the “idea” of acceptance or not rejecting; that idea is practiced. That is fake acceptance.
You could tell yourself to accept, force yourself to DO it… that is fake acceptance.
Merely observe what is going on in you. If acceptance is not natural, there are many emotions that may need to be healed. Acknowledge that, for that is who you truly are in that moment, the “now.” Then, your job is to allow for healing to occur. 

True acceptance is not of the mind. Your whole being is acceptance. This does not happen through the practice of ideals, but through the observation, the awareness and integration of “you” with Life.
Psychologists may know about the mind. I am referring to “no-mind.”

The “I” is mind. Joy is “no-mind.”  

Thank you!

Fear of fear

If you observe yourself, all activities performed are motivated by self-preservation.
That self-preservation could be physical, emotional or learned conditioning.
To eat is a physical need. To feel loved, an emotional. To win a competition, learned conditioning.

Fear appears when the mind foresees that one of those “needs” may not be available, and self-preservation is at stake.

Great fear means great “I-ness.”
Fear is not a “bad” thing. It just goes out of proportion through the stories stored in our minds.

There can be fear to relate with others. There can be fear of being in a relationship, there can be fear of change, of being different.
The “I” wants to remain unchanged.

In some extent, the “vices” are but the expression of utmost fear.

The mind could come up with ways to “regulate” that fear; but those are artificial solutions which are short lived.

At one point of our lives, we may need to sit down and recognize our fears and how those fears are an obstacle for new experiences.

The safety of fear is a conditioning of our society.
To trust Life is a level of safety which is unknown by most.
The “I” thinks that he can trust his control over things and people. 
That controlling mind is a sign of fear.

Beyond religious tales on “salvation,” beyond society’s blurb on “morality,” there is inside us a big doses of fear, which is sugar coated with the word “security.”
Do you stay in an unhealthy relationship due to “security”?
Do you keep yourself trapped in a belief system for “security”?
The keyword to recognize is not security but fear.

Fear maintains the division, the separation. We fear what we don’t know, but to know means to BE and that is the journey to walk.

We ARE when there is not a bit of rejection in our hearts for something or someone.
It is not called acceptance, for to willingly accept means to cover our rejection with yet an ideal created by our minds.

We use the word “accept” to understand each other, but when we put that word in “practice,” it is fake. Our rejection will be there masked, sugar coated by a word, the mind.

There is a snake crawling. Did you observe your feelings?  No?
Then, perhaps decided to “practice” acceptance?
Recognize fear. Nothing wrong with that. If that fear stays with you as a traumatic experience, as an ongoing rejection; then that is the perfect time to know a bit more about yourself, your emotions, your conditioning, your beliefs.

Do we call that spirituality?
Call it with any label.
As that fear dissipates, then peace appears.

Did we practice any meditation for that?
When your stomach is empty and you feel hungry, eating a little candy can give you enough sugar to mask that hunger.
That is meditation as a “practice.”

When it is not a “practice,” meditation is to live Life in awareness.
Whenever there is awareness, there is peace.