The art of surrendering

Many may ask: What is that state of “no-I” that you talk about? How do you become egoless?
Many want an explanation and a method to practice.
Few will realize after all these articles shared here, that before being egoless, we need to experience the utmost ego that we are capable of experiencing.
That is the principle of polarity in action. Your Ego has to be mature, ready to die. Without that requisite there is no surrender.

In other words, until you have not reached the point of saturation of ego in your Life, to be ego-less is out of the question.

As a matter of fact, any method that we may practice in the meantime, is meant to increase the size of the ego.

For instance, if you join a religion as a method to become free from ego, that in itself is building your ego. That is not “bad” at all. By being in that religion we may feel to be “special,” a “chosen one,” that is enhancing our previous ego. That is wonderful! :-)
Many do not realize what is actually happening until the polarity changes.

When the ego has inflated itself to the utmost, it will explode like a balloon, then through that explosion; the ego will dissolve little by little. That is a process as well.

That process of inflating the ego, is painful. It brings suffering to our ego, until we give up.
That giving up, giving into something new is the meaning of surrendering.
What do you give up?
Yourself. That ego which believes to be you.

That surrendering could be to a Guru, a God, a loved one, etc. What is important is the process of surrendering not to who you surrender to. It is through that surrendering how something new, a new Life could be experienced.

Our ego will delay that experience of fully surrendering until the ego is fat enough to explode. Therefore, only those who have reached the pinnacle of suffering due to their ego are the only ones who could be ready to surrender and become empty of themselves.

For the rest, any path they may take, whether a Godly or a Devilish path… all of those paths are just methods to increase the size of their own egos.

That is why, there is not a “bad” path.

When you surrender, someone else takes control of your Life. You are not in charge anymore. It is through that experience how someone else, can appear in you instead of the same old ego.

To surrender the ego is an act of love, manifested through the death of that one who was there before.

That is how Love comes out of Death, just to manifest in Life. Life and Death are together.

Without the experience of having surrendered completely to become one with someone, there cannot be love between humans, for there will be only 2 fighting egos trying to possess or to boss around the other.

Eventually it becomes the relationship of the master and the slave. There is a dependency between both roles, there is a hierarchy.

The possibilities in a relationship with someone are as follows:
One ego plus another ego equals the duality of love and hate. That is the typical relationship nowadays. It is about having “security” and that kills love.
One ego plus a surrendered individual means the possibility for 2 to be one.
However, the remaining ego will give the tune to the relationship. This is the model of relationship of the 1800’s when the woman surrendered to her husband.
The surrendered person will lose her ego, her previous Life. The one who did not, will be reflected through her. Lesser ego means to be closer to a “0” a “nothing” so, 0+0 will be nothing, “0.”
That is love. That is freedom. That is death.
Love is no longer a duality, but something to be discovered at every second.

When “Love” is not corresponded

A reader asked to go into this topic.
First, for most people “love” is the duality between hate and love.
For most people, you “love” what you possess and you hate it, if you cannot.
For most people, you suffer if you don’t love, and if you do; you still suffer for there is fear of abandonment. You want security.
For most people, “love” is a problem.

In a “romantic” relationship as long as someone is not psychologically independent, self-sufficient, there will be neediness. How do you “fix” this?
By loving yourself first. By being at ease with your own company.

Love to the self is not an idea. By caressing yourself, touching your hand with love, taking care of your body and your overall wellness, by enjoying your own presence alone… we will learn to feel love for our presence, to pamper ourselves. Crazy?
That is what we have learned in our society. You DO those things to another, but never to yourself… That is sickening… Well, if you want to go somewhere as as a seeker, you must start with acceptance of “you.” That acceptance means to understand that in “You,” the 2 poles of masculine and feminine are present.

If you are not ready for this, then you will look for another to “love” as a hungry man looks for food, for his belly has a need that must be satisfied.

That is why, LOVE is the natural consequence of BEING at PEACE with yourself.
Before that, we cannot speak about love, but about the duality of hate/love- Infatuation.

Thus, according to our consciousness, we will respond to a not corresponded romantic love.
In the most common type of consciousness, it will be about feeling anger, hate to protect our ego. When the ego is traumatized, even some “romantics” could take their life away. For them, Life has ended.
As we reach internal maturity, when we ARE love; Love still will exist, although the original person may not be there to share it with. That experience is welcomed for that is how we learn to remain vulnerable and open despite emotional pain. To learn to deal with that emotional anguish is certainly a proof of maturity.
Hope is over. It is time to move on. Moving on means to be open for another experience without the burden of the past.

What we see as attractive in another is not our choice. The way we feel for another, we did not choose. Do we see that?
The experience of not being corresponded only increases the size of our heart through assimilated pain when the ego does not make it into a traumatic experience. Life is a game! Our openness to love shall remain to grow. When you close yourself, Life is over. You may have security, but your mental jail cannot be called Life or to be free.

Paradoxically, emotional pain is what allows the expansion of our consciousness when accepted.
If we see the “educational” side of that experience, there will growth. If we focus on the trauma, there will be pain, bitterness, hate and insecurity… More ego.

That same emotional experience can have 2 different effects to different type of consciousness.
Therefore, every situation depends on who you ARE at that time.

Outdated teachings

Because you can only give who you ARE, unless you ARE love, there is no love to give.

We are taught to believe that we can give love without BEING it, as when we can give money to someone when we “get it.”
We cannot “get” love  to give, unless we ARE.
Any “effort” on BEING loving is self-deception.

We are taught to be desire-less to be happy. However, what is the anxious need to go to “Paradise,” to reach illumination, to please God, to become “soul” conscious”? Those things are desires just like any other “mundane” desire.

We are taught to “help others in a self-less” way; Nevertheless, we cannot BE self-less by separating “I” from the “others.” As a matter of fact, to “help others” is just a catchy phrase. By helping others, we only help ourselves. Do we get this riddle? We are not separated.

We are taught to take Life seriously, whether in the mundane business world or in the Godly world: Time is money- Become someone, save yourself from hell; hurry up! This is your only chance, if you miss this chance you will be doomed forever…
We cannot enjoy life when there is pressure to attain something, when our process is not being respected. Then we are willing to “sacrifice” our lives now for the promise to “enjoy” something in the future. That is a wonderful “method” but nothing else.
That promise of a “better” future is empty, as the “I” as it is now, cannot be the “I” in the future.
Our desire for a “better future” will only make us reject the “now.”
Once we realize the depth of all of those beliefs in our minds; then we are ready to put aside all of those teachings, to unlearn all of those things which keep the “rat-race” going in our minds as well as the division, of the mundane and the divine. 

We could be aware of our own fear to continue in Life without those “training wheels,” those half-truths which we believed to be the “holy truth.” Ego needs the security of being part of a “selected” group, the mainstream, the Godly family, the familiar faces…

The above realization is the first step of our catharsis as seekers.
Before that, being a seeker is just another fashion, another way for the ego to believe in himself as “virtuous,” another way to socialize and to show how many spiritual books we can read and how many authors we could quote. That is a source for fattening our needy ego, for we could obtain the label of “knowledgeable” among our peers.

A catharsis then, is a process of unlearning and with that, a process of unleashing our repressed behaviors.

We could understand that some beliefs are just equal to the belief in Santa Claus, a technique meant to teach a self-centered person, the “joy” of giving a gift to another… but the belief in Santa Claus will be deep down in our unconscious no matter how much we could reason and understand in the surface of the conscious mind. Its depth  in the unconscious is proportional to the amount of time we have spent drilling down such beliefs in our conscious mind.

For that reason, we shall deal with emotions, the “programming” of our unconscious.

Many individuals who have not experienced the process of a catharsis are caught up in blaming a society, a religion, a practice… unable to see that every experience is invaluable in our development.
What is important is to know when those “tools” need to be discarded, so we could embrace something new.

For instance, ego is a “tool.” It is not a “bad” thing, a vice. It is a mechanism of “self-defense,” something that will allow a person to survive in this society. However, it comes to a point, when that grown up ego, is an obstacle to flourish by connecting with others… then ego must go away through a process of catharsis.

The “programming” is erased. Some religions pretend to have “the method” to erase the emotions stored deep in our unconscious. However, everyone is not the same. A “method” may work for some but no others. Life will bring the right conditions at the right time. Different Life experiences are tailored to our particular needs. We are not alone.

Through that catharsis, you are empty and open for newness. It is in that emptiness how Love IS.
Before that catharsis, love may be pretty talk, romantic “get aways,” and fairy tales.

The Love of the mind

Most human beings love through the mind.
Their love is a trip into the extremes. Love and hate are inter-related.
“I think I love you” means anything but Love.

“Love of the mind” is based on possessiveness and neediness. It is meant to control the “loved one,” to make him dependent.
“Love of the mind” is the battle for supremacy. One ego against the other. The game of the strongest is played continuously. It is about resisting the urge to call/lean on the “loved one,” the vanity of showing less interest to feel stronger, the pose of being self sufficient.
In reality it is a childish game of an oversized ego: There is neediness, there is interest, there is anxiety, but… The outside must look “cool.” 
Thus, self-infliction of emotional pain is another indication of an out of control mind.

When the mind overcomes a person, there could not even be love to a God… It is all about “what is there for me.” Paradise, a high status in the divine realm… all part of ego.

Love is in no-mind.
Love is not something to give willfully; it is only what you ARE.
If we become vulnerable, open, then love only flows as a river through the mountains.
That “flowing” is not an effort, a “sell yourself” game but exactly who we ARE at the moment.

Truly we cannot give love. We ARE that in different degrees.
When we are stuck in the mind, then to “give love” is the game.

How do you take someone you love for granted?
When we have reduced that someone into an object. Something static, something that cannot change anymore. That is a possession.

As that “loved one” allows himself to be possessed, then the so called “love” will transform into hate, little y little.
Why?
Because a dependency is a burden.
Attachment is born out of that dependency and the “loved one” turned into an object, will be completely nullified by his lover.
That is, one Ego is the master and the other the slave. Duality.

More duality?
Yes. That is the work of the mind.

Then, the”hellish” situation above will be recognized by some sensible individuals. What is their reaction?
“I will not love anyone.” Yet another extreme of the mind.
Or how about: “ I will only love God.”
That is the extreme of loving others. Duality.
Please observe how the mind is continually moving in extremes. 

A great sinner becomes a great saint. That is a “ Godly miracle” Right?
In reality, it is the mind going through polarities. The other extreme will be the next stop. The mind drives that change, therefore; it is a dishonest change.

Enjoyment of Life is the background of Love.
Many think that enjoyment is something easy, that they are already “practicing” it.
Nothing further from the truth. Enjoyment is BEING away from the mind. Enjoyment does not depend on people around us or a busy schedule of “to do” things…
Enjoyment is to be open, vulnerable, accepting, trusting, grateful, to BE.

That is the perfect environment for the seed of Love to grow into a beautiful tree. That tree will be able to give fruits and shadow to others, comfort to many, without willing to DO it, without the “thought” of DOING it. It merely happens as a consequence of what a tree IS. 

A Life away from enjoyment cannot know what Love is, for Love is a celebration of BEING AWARE.

Freedom to BE

Growing up my “keyword” was freedom.
Freedom from the enemies. Freedom to Do what I want. Freedom to HAVE whatever I could get. Freedom to BE what I wanted to BE…
All of those “freedoms” are only circumstantial. They depend on the conditions, the settings. Whatever I DO, whatever I HAVE, whatever I want to BE is only another cage to fight for, to be attached to, to become fearful of losing… The cage is there and whenever there is a cage, freedom slips out of our hands…

Aware of these things, some religions paradoxically have misunderstood the meaning of freedom. For them to “attain” that is a matter of renouncing the world.
In DOING that, their cage becomes their own little world.
Freedom is not a matter of escaping from something and labeling that “ renunciation.”

To DO, to HAVE, to BE … are mental cages. Mind made definitions with borders which we will not trespass for safety, for comfort, for security.

True Freedom is in BEING, but this is not the mind BEING such as BEING a professional, BEING a father, BEING a guru… or BEING God. This BEING that I am talking about is without mind.
A child is that BEING and so a wild animal. FREE from traumas, FREE from hang ups, FREE from neurosis, FREE from the “future.”

A conditioned human being is always looking for security. If a man is in a relationship with someone, he may need a way to possess a woman so she doesn’t run away. That insecurity, that pettiness is called “love” by most. The “proof” is in the emotion of jealousy felt. However, it is certain that this man has built his own cage of attachment and neediness.

Then, his mind always going into extremes; will decide to go to the other extreme: “I will never be in love with anyone. I want to be Free.”
That decision is unbearably naïve. That man has built yet another cage for himself. He cannot be free.
Why?
Because it doesn’t matter whether he is in a relationship or not. Both states are cages when we move in the duality of the mind.
That is why it has been said: “Know thyself,” but I‘d like to clarify: “Know thy mind to be FREE from it.”
That is where freedom resides: Away from the duality created by the mind.

Our search for security will kill our freedom to BE. The need for security will create a cage and the fear to abandon it.

A mental “cage” could be like a hotel: A place to be for a short while before continuing in our journey. But, the one who feels secure, safe, at ease and would like by all means to maintain that state; that person will suffer when the time to change arrives.
Don’t we know that Life is change? Don’t we know that Life is completely uncertain?
Do we want to live in our own “little world” for the sake of being safe?
That will kill our growth as humans. Our development will be hindered.

Nothing is secure in life. That is the extraordinary thing about Life. It can turn around at any time and there is no one who could stop it… but yet, some want to fight against it even though “losing” every single battle against Life… While others would like to “hide” and control their environment to feel safe, even though there is no Life in their lives…. They are already death.
In both cases there is no Freedom.

Freedom is not in the extremes. It is neither in hiding nor in fighting, rejecting, conquering… to know Freedom we need to become AWARE of the works of our mind.

A seeker who does not understand his own mind, is only playing the game of self-deception: It is a game with plenty of beliefs and promises for great things in the “future,” but the price is not to enjoy the freedom of living fully in the “now.”
The “golden cage” may be a pretty cage for our minds. But … the best things in Life are always FREE…. Of charge?
No… FREE of mind.

The path is to learn to live with yourself

A seeker is born when he becomes aware of suffering and death.
It is no longer about blaming someone such as the politicians, the enemies, the economy, a person, etc. but to recognize that despite all of those things, suffering is there and death will be waiting at the “end.”

That is when the search for answers starts.
We could think that a philosophy or a belief system has the solution. We may believe that finding God or an angel has the answer, or we may turn into human thought and science to escape from suffering and death.

Those experiences will be just the process towards maturity, the journey of the seeker.

Out of that journey there will be no definite answer, but the experiences lived through those paths sooner or later will lead someone to face himself.
The “answer” is not a bunch of words, but to live the experiences that Life will bring through that seeking. It is that process the one offering “answers.”

The level of consciousness and understanding about Life is different when we are searching outside ourselves.

It is easy to only believe in something that a guru or a God may “tell us.” It is easy to have “experiences” with the world “beyond”… Those things will not change our being, but only will prepare us to face ourselves.

Death and suffering are experiences and as such could be understood, when we experience those things in our process, our own catharsis.
Without death and suffering, there could not be a different human being with a different consciousness.
In the infancy of our seeker consciousness, we learn to repress the idea of death and suffering, but later on; we will learn to embrace them as they are part of living.

When ego dies, that is the only death. What remains is at peace with death, part of death. The process of dying is brought about through suffering. If ego survives there will be fear of death… and to suffer.

You see, ego is unknown to most human beings until they become AWARE of death and suffering as part of the human condition, once they are faced with that, there is change. As long as we try to escape from death and suffering through fancy beliefs, promises and self-deception, our consciousness will be in  the infantile stage. Nothing wrong with that. It is just the beginning of “seeking.”

Religions, beliefs and philosophies are merely intellectual explanations unable to touch BEING, but the experience of those will give us invaluable insight.  

When we face the “I,” life will bring a secluded environment for us. It could be a hospital bed, an extremist religious belief, some sort of disease, loss of someone or physical/mental handicap.

You will be alone. Secluded from society. If you cannot escape and DO something; You will discover how afraid you were of being by yourself.

Loneliness will set in and through that suffering, aloneness will come out. Because you will be secluded from society, perhaps Nature will be open for you to explore and harmonize with “mother Nature” by discovering “real Life” away from the human narrow minded version. In great part we owe our Ego to the teachings of our society. It is the price to pay when we are looking for certainty and security, comfort and control.

To harmonize with Nature is a breakthrough that will only lead us into the core of that which we call “self.”

Finding that harmony, we will be ready to go back to the human society and discover that it is just a game to play. A role is given to you based on your form. Nothing serious about it. If you are serious, pressured, in a hurry to accomplish objectives… you will not enjoy the “game.”
It is in that relaxed state, how you will be a child again.

The paradox of Being and Doing

Everything we are looking for is within us.
Only those things which are an illusion, those things which do not exist, could be dissolved.

Ego is an illusion of the mind, thus it can be dissolved.
If it is “real” it cannot be dissolved.
What is lust, greed, attachment, anger?
Manifestations of that ego.

The paradox is that there is nothing we can DO to dissolve ego. You could only realize it, acknowledge it, become aware of it, to be distant… a witness… a detached observer. Ego is not “bad” but a state of being in the pendulum of experiences.

DOING something to get rid of that ego is like trying to scratch the wind. You could do the effort, you could try different methods but the idea of “success” is in fact, ego… and thus, the idea of failure. Duality.

Most individuals believe that to BE happy, is a matter of reaching a goal, an objective. Whether that goal is in this Life, in the “mundane world” or in the “afterlife,” in “Paradise;” there is some DOING which needs to be DONE to get there… Happiness is state of BEING. It is not something that could be “achieved” through DOING.
Want to conquer the world? Want to be the richest person on Earth? Want to be the most famous person? the most popular? the most beautiful? You could reach those goals, but happiness will not be in that. Why?
Because we ARE something else: Boring, emotional, stressed out, hurt, ego-centered. Anything wrong with that?
NO. It is not about “right or wrong.” It is about acknowledgment of that. Because we are AWARE, we could see it, observe it, feel it, not as a thought or as second hand knowledge from someone, but you must feel it in your skin…then, something will happen… :-)

DOING cannot touch BEING. Ego is the illusion of BEING. DOING is the illusion of that who is already an illusion (ego.)

In fact, “I do” is full of ego. Who is that “I”?
This is not an intellectual question.
Nevertheless in our language, in our relationship with others… we need to use those words, but we don’t need to be trapped in the meaning.

If we define what we ARE, we create a “doer.”
Action-less action, Doing without a Doer is an egoless action.

We cannot “practice” to be ego-less. Life is taking you there, as long as the “I” is not a solid wall standing in between.

Want to destroy the wall? Want to get rid f it?
If you DO. You will make it stronger. That is the paradox.

Leave your ego-centered desires behind, your expectations aside and learn to acknowledge that the wall is there.
Do not run away from that wall, don’t try to change it… because by knowing that the wall is there, you will also know why change cannot BE.
At that point, the wall will OPEN and through that empty space is how change will pass by.
You are that emptiness when there is no wall.
Because you are that… there is no one there to DO… :-) Paradox!